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TPO 15 - Question 1People make friends in many different ways. What do you think is a good way to make new friends? Use specific details and examples in your response. v.1

TPO 15 - Question 1People make friends in many different ways. What do you think is a good way to make new friends? Use specific details and examples in your response. v. 1
The rapid growth in modern technology has allowed us to exchange and get unlimited access to information over the Internet. Some argue that it has more drawbacks than benefits, and they see this development as a sign of danger towards societies. I believe that the advancement in technologies has bought us more comforts than ever before. To begin with, the invention of modernised technology has supported human life to become effortless. This is because many factories around the globe use the computerised machines, which is proven to boost the productivity and efficiency in the workload. Many automobile companies use robotic technology to manufacture cars, and thus, builds at a faster pace to meet the growing demand. However, this advancement cuts human labour, and as a result, this would give a rise in unemployment. On the other hand, some believe that nowadays it a way of life. This is because modern technology allows the population to be connected to their loved ones, even though they might be living in far countries. For example, the telephone has been transformed into a mobile phone, which can support and provide the various types of communication in your palm, and moreover, this device can keep you abreast of your daily duties. Furthermore, many international companies can connect via the Internet to promote their products and speak to their buyers or their customers directly. In conclusion, although it has some drawbacks, yet the benefits are considerable in using technology. As it helps us to perform our work more efficiently, and keep track of our work record, which then gives us the freedom to concentrate on expanding our horizon in whatever we are doing in our life.
The rapid growth in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
us to exchange and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unlimited access to information over the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that it has more drawbacks than benefits, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this development as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
towards societies. I believe that the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
us more comforts than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the invention of
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has supported human life to become effortless. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories around the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
machines, which
is proven
to boost the productivity and efficiency in the workload.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
automobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to manufacture cars, and
thus
, builds at a faster pace to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the growing demand.
However
, this advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, and
as a result
, this would give a rise in unemployment.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that nowadays it a way of life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the population to
be connected
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones,
even though
they might be living in far countries.
For example
, the telephone has
been transformed
into a mobile phone, which can support and provide the various types of communication in your palm, and
moreover
, this device can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you abreast of your daily duties.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can connect via the Internet to promote their products and speak to their buyers or their customers
directly
.

In conclusion
, although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks,
yet
the benefits are considerable in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. As it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to perform our work more
efficiently
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of our work record, which then gives us the freedom to concentrate on expanding our horizon in whatever we are doing in our life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay TPO 15 - Question 1People make friends in many different ways. What do you think is a good way to make new friends? Use specific details and examples in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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