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Countries are becoming more and more similar because of people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

Countries are becoming more and more similar because of people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
In a world that is far more globalized than ever before, people are now living with the identical trend regardless of different geographies. The question of whether this trend is beneficial or detrimental continues to be a source of controversy. From my perspective, the effects on both-sides can be seen in various aspects of life. On the one hand, the similarity of global trend supports to the national development in not only the cultural aspect but also other fields. Firstly, when the travelers get exposed to an electic mix of civilizations, they can escape their comfort zones and then experience a shift in their outlooks on life. Their new-found mindsets, coupled with the enriched knowledge about other cultures, prompts them to foster q sense of cultural tolerance and adaptability, leaving a minimal scope of cultural conflict. Secondly, universalization means the advances in wide range of fields such as technology, education and healthcare now are not merely one nation but in different countries throughout the world. Lastly, the multiple national companies provide the job opportunities for the labor force and therefore standardizes the living conditions. On the other hand, there are also the negative sides of universal development when it comes to the traditional values. If the global trend becomes more and more prevalent, it will drive the cultural identity to the edge of disappearing. For instance, people nowadays are more likely to follow the new fashionable trend that is popular in over the world rather than wearing their traditional costumes. Furthermore, countless countries now are demolishing their traditional festivals or religious holiday. These are the apparent evidences of blurring the unique traditional values. In conclusion, in my point of view, although the benefits of globalization are undeniable, we should not exclude thinking thoroughly about their downside effects. It is advisable that making use of universal trend is significant, people also need to preserve the cultural identity.
In a world
that is
far more globalized than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living with the identical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
regardless of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
geographies.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is beneficial or detrimental continues to be a source of controversy. From my perspective, the effects on both-sides can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in various aspects of life.

On the one hand, the similarity of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
supports to the national development in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
aspect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other fields.
Firstly
, when the travelers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to an
Possible spelling mistake found.
electic
mix of civilizations, they can escape their comfort zones and then experience a shift in their outlooks on life. Their new-found mindsets, coupled with the enriched knowledge about other cultures, prompts them to foster q sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
tolerance and adaptability, leaving a minimal scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
conflict.
Secondly
, universalization means the advances in wide range of fields such as technology, education and healthcare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are not
merely
one nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries throughout the world.
Lastly
, the multiple national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide the job opportunities for the labor force and
therefore
standardizes the living conditions.

On the other hand
, there are
also
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of universal development when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values. If the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
becomes more and more prevalent, it will drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity to the edge of disappearing.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are more likely to follow the new fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
that is
popular in over the world
rather
than wearing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
costumes.
Furthermore
, countless countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are demolishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
festivals or religious holiday. These are the apparent evidences of blurring the unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values.

In conclusion
, in my point of view, although the benefits of globalization are undeniable, we should not exclude thinking
thoroughly
about their downside effects. It is advisable that making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is significant,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
need to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because of people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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