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Computers games are extremely popular with children nowadays. What are the negative impact of these children playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects v.1

Computers games are extremely popular with children nowadays. What are the negative impact of these children playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects v. 1
Many believe that the atrocity and rage covered by social media strongly impact young minds and encourage them to indulge in corruptions. In my opinion, media do play a vital role in accelerated juvenile crime, however, it is not the sole reason to be blamed for. This essay describes how youth gets influenced by the media and why the media should not be held responsible alone for increasing criminality among youngsters. It is quite well known that many times the media portrays hyperbolised news to draw attention of the public and gain TRP. Any crime is exaggerated and shown as a heinous crime on televised news coverage or rumoured around the social media pages in the form of violent posts or comments or even pictures. This definitely gives birth to brutality and violence in young minds who are not hesitant going against the law. For instance, looting ATMs, cybercrimes and identity theft are quite common media inspired crimes that the minors commit. On the other hand, it’s often observed that the minors who are not well nurtured or belong to a disturbed family often indulge in unlawful activities. Such youths lack a loving environment as well as moral education to nourish themselves with love, compassion and empathy. As a result, without being exposed to the media brutality, they don’t dither for lawbreaking. Crimes in slum areas are majorly by the youngsters which give a perfect example of this scenario. Thus, TV news coverage, police-based reality programs and social media might directly and indirectly influence the disproportionate treatment of minority youth, but no one can deny the importance of the mental conditioning aspects of family while considering the accelerated criminality in the minors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that the atrocity and rage covered by social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
strongly
impact young minds and encourage them to indulge in corruptions. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
do play a vital role in accelerated juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
however
, it is not the sole reason to
be blamed
for. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
influenced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should not
be held
responsible alone for increasing criminality among youngsters.

It is quite well known that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
portrays
Possible spelling mistake. 'hyperbolised' is British English.
hyperbolised
news to draw attention of the public and gain TRP. Any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is exaggerated
and shown as a heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
on televised news coverage or
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumoured
around the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
pages in the form of violent posts or comments or even pictures. This definitely gives birth to brutality and violence in young minds who are not hesitant going against the law.
For instance
, looting ATMs,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
and identity theft are quite common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
inspired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that the minors commit.

On the other hand
, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that the minors who are not well nurtured or belong to a disturbed family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
indulge in unlawful activities. Such youths lack a loving environment
as well
as moral education to nourish themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, compassion and empathy.
As a result
, without
being exposed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
brutality, they don’t dither for lawbreaking.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
in slum areas are
majorly
by the youngsters which give a perfect example of this scenario.

Thus
, TV news coverage, police-based reality programs and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
might
directly
and
indirectly
influence the disproportionate treatment of minority youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one can deny the importance of the mental conditioning aspects of family while considering the accelerated criminality in the minors.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Computers games are extremely popular with children nowadays. What are the negative impact of these children playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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