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Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.10

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. with this statement? v. 10
For ages, human civilization has been constantly innovating and discovering new things and methods to help improve our lifestyle. However, computers have been one of the most important inventions of mankind, second to the wheel. Many would argue regarding its numerous benefits, while others still question about its usefulness. In my opinion, computers have proven to be a boon to humans and its primary disadvantage of increasing unemployment has been overcome by its ability to process numbers accurately and quickly. On one hand, people consider computers as the main reason behind the increasing unemployment rates. The machinery is capable of performing numerous task accurately and at a high pace compared to humans. They also do not require rest due to which they can work around the clock and the cost incurred in their operations is far less compared to its human counterpart. As a result of this many have replaced their employees with the inhuman workforce. For example, in a recent report, the demand for accountants has been steadily decreasing over the past 5 years as computers are becoming more mainstream. Despite computers' negative impact on labour market, it has many useful advantages. The main benefit of the computing machine is its ability to crunch numbers and solve complex mathematical problems in a matter of seconds. Such ability of processing data finds its way in many applications in the field of medical science, space exploration, construction, telecommunication etc. Also these machines can store a lot of data in their memory, which is not only safe, but also easily retrievable. For instance, NASA widely used computers to monitor the critical parameters of the space shuttle during their space exploration missions. In conclusion, computers have brought many developments which help improve our lives and that in my opinion, by far outweigh its disadvantages. Although computers have caused many people to lose their jobs, we cannot deny how much its computing power has benefited our society.
For ages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization has been
constantly
innovating and discovering new things and methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our lifestyle.
However
, computers have been one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
inventions of mankind, second to the wheel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
would argue regarding its numerous benefits, while others
still
question about its usefulness. In my opinion, computers have proven to be a boon to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and its primary disadvantage of increasing unemployment has
been overcome
by its ability to process numbers
accurately
and
quickly
.

On one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider computers as the main reason behind the increasing unemployment rates. The machinery is capable of performing numerous task
accurately
and at a high pace compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. They
also
do not require rest due to which they can work around the clock and the cost incurred in their operations is far less compared to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
counterpart.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have replaced their employees with the inhuman workforce.
For example
, in a recent report, the demand for accountants has been
steadily
decreasing over the past 5 years as computers are becoming more mainstream. Despite computers'
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful advantages.

The main benefit of the computing machine is its ability to crunch numbers and solve complex mathematical problems in a matter of seconds. Such ability of processing data finds its way in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications in the field of medical science, space exploration, construction, telecommunication etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
these machines can store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
data in their memory, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
safe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
easily
retrievable.
For instance
, NASA
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
computers to monitor the critical parameters of the space shuttle during their space exploration missions.

In conclusion
, computers have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developments which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and that in my opinion, by far outweigh its disadvantages. Although computers have caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to lose their jobs, we cannot deny how much its computing power has benefited our society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. with this statement? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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