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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v.22

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 22
It’s undeniable that community work is becoming increasingly popular among the younger generations nowadays. A portion of the population believes that non profit service for the local community should be made a compulsory part of high school education. This includes work like making the neighbourhood a better place or helping out charities. In my point of view I completely agree with this idea and in this essay I’m going to discuss why It could have a good impact towards the society. Firstly, I personally believe that if this idea is implemented it would truly make our society a better place, both locally and nationally. Everybody needs a helping hand, especially the social workers who are working in service of out communities. With many young and talented teenagers to help them, work is going to be done much faster and a lot of things previously thought impossible could be accomplished. For example, with the assistance of high school students, organizations would have enough manpower to distribute food to all homeless individuals in the local area. Even though it may affect the students’ grades who would be very busy, they could trade them with real life working experience. Speaking of working experience, I would like to introduce you to my second point, which is by doing these community work students can get valuable experiences they can’t get anywhere else. They would learn soft skills like time-management, plan-making, teamwork or even a personality trait such as empathy. I personally had worked in a charity event before called “cake for charity” as a logistics specialist. There, I made many new friends who shared the same passion with me as well as adopted many skills like bonding skill, computer using skill which would help me a lot in the future. Even though they would have to work without getting paid, students could gain much more than just money. In conclusion, making students do community work as part of their education is a genius concept. Not only they could make a difference in the society, they would earn a lot of very beneficial things for themselves too.
It’s undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is becoming
increasingly
popular among the younger generations nowadays. A portion of the population believes that
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non profit
service for the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
should
be made
a compulsory part of high school education. This includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like making the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
a better place or helping out charities. In my point of view I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I’m going to discuss why It could have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact towards the society.

Firstly
, I
personally
believe that if this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is implemented
it would
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our society a better place, both
locally
and
nationally
. Everybody needs a helping hand,
especially
the social workers who are working in service of out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young and talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is going to
be done
much faster and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things previously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
impossible could
be accomplished
.
For example
, with the assistance of high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, organizations would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
manpower to distribute food to all homeless individuals in the local area.
Even though
it may affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
grades who would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy, they could trade them with real life working experience.

Speaking of working experience, I would like to introduce you to my second point, which is by doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable experiences they can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anywhere else. They would learn soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like time-management, plan-making, teamwork or even a personality trait such as empathy. I
personally
had worked in a charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
called “cake for charity” as a logistics specialist. There, I made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new friends who shared the same passion with me
as well
as adopted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like bonding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, computer using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me a lot in the future.
Even though
they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without getting paid,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could gain much more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
money.

In conclusion
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as part of their education is a genius concept. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in the society, they would earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial things for themselves too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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