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Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.24

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. v. 24
Some argue that the excessive use of electronic devices has positive results. While others believe that it has some adverse effects on children's mind and body, however, these side effects can be minimized. I think computer skills are not only helpful as a subject, but also in extracurricular activities. On the one hand, some students spend most of their time on computers by playing video games, watching movies and exploring social network sites which may not be suitable for their age group. In addition to this, by sitting for long hours in front of the computer, they have some back and eye issues which may have a direct impact on their education. For example, The Tribune newspaper released that the children who are sitting for more than 5 hours a day on the computer have obesity disease. Even, I believe if parents and teachers monitor their children's activities, then this kind of impact can be minimized. On the other hand, information technology not only helps in enhancing subjects' knowledge, but it also helps the students to make projects, image editing, presentations and crafts. Moreover, Every student prefers distance learning for their exam preparation, and with the help of information technology, students adapt to a modern approach to learning. For instance, information is readily available through sites named Google and Yahoo. This means students do not need to visit local libraries to search for information. So, I believe computers can increase children's productivity. To conclude, Although an increasing use of computers has drawbacks. I believe that it has led to many benefits to students and educational institutes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic devices has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results. While others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on children's mind and body,
however
, these side effects can
be minimized
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful as a subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in extracurricular activities.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend most of their time on computers by playing video games, watching movies and exploring social network sites which may not be suitable for their age group.
In addition
to this, by sitting for long hours in front of the computer, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
back and eye issues which may have a direct impact on their education.
For example
, The Tribune newspaper released that the children who are sitting for more than 5 hours a day on the computer have obesity disease. Even, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
if parents and teachers monitor their children's activities, then this kind of impact can
be minimized
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in enhancing subjects' knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
projects, image editing, presentations and crafts.
Moreover
, Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
prefers distance learning for their exam preparation, and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
adapt to a modern approach to learning.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
readily
available through sites named Google and Yahoo. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to visit local libraries to search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
computers can increase children's productivity.

To conclude
, Although an increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers has drawbacks. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and educational institutes.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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