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Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion. v.23

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. v. 23
The use of technology as an educational tool is increasing very fast, especially computers. Some people believe that this is a positive trend while others disagree and they insist on leading to negative consequences. In my essay, both sides of this argument will be discussed. It is argued by some people that computers have many benefits. Students can find everything about what they are looking for. Moreover, learners also can learn about any subject which they care about. Besides giving unlimited information, computer also is extremely convenient and save a large amount of time and effort. For example, students can find reference material and study document on Google easily and quickly. In contrast, other individuals espouse the idea that using computers is leading to adverse ramifications. Computers can easily distract the students from studying since the they offer interesting leisure activities through the screen. Furthermore, the use of computer in education can lead to lesser human interactions between teachers and students. Human interaction teaches people valuable skills such as discourse, debate and empathy. For example, while students are paused due to the COVID 19 disease, many universities and colleges provide pre-recorded video lectures or use the online learning service. Without interactions and teaching, many students can’t understand all of the knowledge which they see and hear on video. In summary, the benefits technology brings to education, such as student autonomy. But it must be weighed against the drawbacks, such as negative effects on human interaction. However, I believe that using computers as an educational tool will bring many benefits when we are careful in use instead of overusing it.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology as an educational tool is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
,
especially
computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend while others
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disagree and
they insist on leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. In my essay, both sides of this argument will
be discussed
.

It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can find everything about what they are looking for.
Moreover
, learners
also
can learn about any subject which they care about.
Besides
giving unlimited information, computer
also
is
extremely
convenient and save a large amount of time and effort.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can find reference material and study document on Google
easily
and
quickly
.

In contrast
, other individuals espouse the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that using computers is leading to adverse ramifications. Computers can
easily
distract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from studying since
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "they"?
the they
offer interesting leisure activities through the screen.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer in education can lead to lesser human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
between teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
teaches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as discourse, debate and empathy.
For example
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are paused
due to the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
disease,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities and colleges provide pre-recorded video lectures or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the online learning service. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
and teaching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can’t understand
Consider using "all the".
all of the
knowledge which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and hear on video.

In summary, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "benefits'" or "benefit's"?
benefits
technology brings to education, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
autonomy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be weighed
against the drawbacks, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
.
However
, I believe that using computers as an educational tool will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits when we are careful in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
instead
of overusing it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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