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Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion v.1

Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion v. 1
As technology has developed, people can now travel to remote natural areas. Both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend will be thoroughly discussed in this essay. On the one hand, visiting isolated natural places has some benefits. Firstly, this is a newer and more interesting type of travelling. Going to other cities or countries has been too common for most people, so it might be more exciting for them to explore new places such as the South Pole or the Amazon rainforest. This gives them valuable experiences and unforgettable memories. Secondly, when visiting remote areas, people, especially scientists, might acquire more knowledge about the natural habitat. For example, when coming to the North Pole, scientists can learn about the life of polar bears which live far away from humans. On the other hand, I believe there are some drawbacks of this development. The first one is that travelling to remote natural areas can be risky if the travellers are not sufficiently prepared. For instance, the temperature at the South Pole is usually very low, which adversely affects people's health. Travelling to forests can also be dangerous as people have to face the risk of being attacked by animals. Also, since visiting isolated places often requires a large amount of investment in researching and ensuring the safety of travellers, the costs of travelling tend to be high. Therefore, it seems like only scientists and rich people can afford this activity, so this development is likely to benefit only a small group of individuals. In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of people being able to travel to remote areas outweigh its advantages, and this is a negative development.
As technology has developed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend will be
thoroughly
discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, visiting isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
places has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
, this is a newer and more interesting type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
. Going to other cities or countries has been too common for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it might be more exciting for them to explore new places such as the South Pole or the Amazon rainforest. This gives them valuable experiences and unforgettable memories.
Secondly
, when visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
scientists, might acquire more knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat.
For example
, when coming to the North Pole, scientists can learn about the life of polar bears which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from humans.

On the other hand
, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of this development. The
first
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can be risky if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
are not
sufficiently
prepared.
For instance
, the temperature at the South Pole is
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low, which
adversely
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
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Travelling
to forests can
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being attacked
by animals.
Also
, since visiting isolated places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
requires a large amount of investment in researching and ensuring the safety of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
, the costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
tend to be high.
Therefore
, it seems like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scientists and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford this activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this development is likely to benefit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of individuals.

In conclusion
, I believe the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being able to travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
outweigh its advantages, and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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