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Computer Technology is ie getting cheaper and so it is likely that adults will be working from home and children will study from home. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Computer Technology is ie getting cheaper and so it is likely that adults will be working from home and children will study from home. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
YOUNG GENERATION ARE TAUGHT TO BE THE NEXT LEADERS IN THE FUTURE. SPENDING THEIR SPARE HOURS IN THE MALL ARE TAUGHT BY SOME TO BE BENEFICIAL TO THEM, HOWEVER, OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVES THAT HAVE HAD DETRIMENTAL EFFECT TO THEM AND TO THE COMMNUNITY AS WELL. THE WRITER IS STRONGLY AGREES FOR THE LATTER VIEW AND THE REASONS WILL EXPLAIN BELOW FALLOWED BY A CONCLUSION. TO BEGIN WITH, YOUNG ONES ARE EXPECTED TO STUDY HARD DURING SCHOOL HOURS TO CREATE A SUSTANABLE LIFE FOR THEIR FUTURE. IN ORDER TO ATTAIN THIS SUCH KIND OF LIFE, THEY SHOULD EXERT VIGOROUS EFFORT. THEY ARE EXPECTED TO SPEND MOST OF THEIR DAYS IN SCHOOL DOING SCHOOL ACTIVITIES AND ACADEMIC CLASSES WHICH IS ESSENTIAL FOR THEM. UTILIZING THEIR FREE TIME IN STUDYING THEIR LESSONS AT HOME ARE ADVISABLE. ALTHOUGH, GOING TO THE MALLS SOMETIME FOR PURCHASING SOME ITEMS, EATING IN THE MALL TOGETHER WITH THEIR LOVE ONES IS CONSIDERED AND CRUCIAL. HOWEVER, INVESTING SPARE HOURS IN THE SHOPPING MALLS, AND INDULGING IN THE ACTIVITIES THAT ARE TAUGHT TO HAVE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THEIR STUDIES, SUCH AS ONLINE GAMES THAT ARE INCREDIBLYPOPULAR NOWADAYS ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT BENEFICIAL AND HAVE HAD A HUGE DRAWBACK. PLENTY OF YOUNG ONES IN THIS MODERN DAYS LOST THEIR CONCENTRATION ON THIEIR STUDIES AND SPEND MOST OF THE TIME PLAYING ONLINE GAMES IN THE MALLS PARTICULARLY MALE STUDENTS. FURTHERMORE, MALLS HAVE HUGE OF OPPORTUNITIES TO OFFER AND CAN CAUSE TEMPTATIONS SUCH AS PURCHASING THINGS, WHICH IS NOT NECESSARY AND CONSIDERED TO BE WASTE OF MONEY. TO CONCLUDE, ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT FORBIDDEN TO SPEND EXTRA HOURS IN THE MALL, HOWEVER I BELIEVE THAT YOUNG GENERATION SHOULD SPEND LESS AND SPEND MORE TIME IN THE STUDIES.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
YOUNG
GENERATION
ARE TAUGHT
TO BE THE
NEXT
LEADERS IN THE FUTURE. SPENDING THEIR SPARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HOURS
IN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALL
ARE TAUGHT
BY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TO BE BENEFICIAL TO THEM,
HOWEVER
, OTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
BELIEVES
THAT HAVE HAD DETRIMENTAL EFFECT TO THEM AND TO THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMMNUNITY
AS WELL
. THE WRITER IS
STRONGLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AGREES
FOR THE LATTER VIEW AND THE REASONS WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPLAIN
BELOW FALLOWED BY A CONCLUSION.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEGIN
WITH,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
YOUNG
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONES
ARE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPECTED
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STUDY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HARD
DURING SCHOOL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HOURS
TO CREATE A
Possible spelling mistake found.
SUSTANABLE
LIFE FOR THEIR FUTURE. IN ORDER TO ATTAIN THIS SUCH KIND OF LIFE, THEY SHOULD EXERT VIGOROUS EFFORT. THEY ARE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPECTED
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
MOST OF THEIR DAYS IN SCHOOL DOING SCHOOL ACTIVITIES AND ACADEMIC CLASSES WHICH IS ESSENTIAL FOR THEM. UTILIZING THEIR FREE TIME IN STUDYING THEIR LESSONS AT HOME ARE ADVISABLE. ALTHOUGH, GOING TO THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALLS
SOMETIME FOR PURCHASING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
ITEMS, EATING IN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALL
TOGETHER WITH THEIR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONES
IS CONSIDERED
AND CRUCIAL.

HOWEVER
, INVESTING SPARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HOURS
IN THE SHOPPING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALLS
, AND INDULGING IN THE ACTIVITIES THAT
ARE TAUGHT
TO HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
IMPACT ON THEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STUDIES
, SUCH AS ONLINE GAMES THAT ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
INCREDIBLYPOPULAR
NOWADAYS ARE
ABSOLUTELY
NOT BENEFICIAL AND HAVE HAD A HUGE DRAWBACK.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
PLENTY
OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
YOUNG
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONES
IN THIS MODERN DAYS LOST THEIR CONCENTRATION ON
Possible spelling mistake found.
THIEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STUDIES
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
MOST OF THE TIME PLAYING ONLINE GAMES IN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALLS
PARTICULARLY
MALE STUDENTS.
FURTHERMORE
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALLS
HAVE HUGE OF OPPORTUNITIES TO OFFER AND CAN CAUSE TEMPTATIONS SUCH AS PURCHASING THINGS, WHICH IS NOT NECESSARY AND CONSIDERED TO BE WASTE OF MONEY.

TO CONCLUDE
, ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT FORBIDDEN TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
EXTRA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HOURS
IN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MALL
,
HOWEVER
I BELIEVE THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
YOUNG
GENERATION SHOULD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
LESS AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
MORE TIME IN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STUDIES
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Computer Technology is ie getting cheaper and so it is likely that adults will be working from home and children will study from home. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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