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People buy things which they don't need. Why this is happening? Is it a positive or negative development for the Individual and for society? v.1

People buy things which they don't need. Why this is happening? Is it a positive or negative development for the Individual and for society? v. 1
It is thought by some people that the way children are brought up by their parents determines their success. I disagree with this statement as many successful people were raised in orphanages or by bad parents and that success is a result of one’s hard work. Many people who were brought up by bad parents became successful, which proves that success has nothing to do with one’s family. Although some might think that parents influence one’s character to some extent, I would say that it is always up to the person to decide which path to follow and who to become. Growing up in a toxic family can serve as a motivation for individuals to work hard and become independent so that they can move out and escape their families. For example, Oprah Winfrey, who was raised by a toxic family that neglected her and abused her during her childhood, yet she became one of the most successful and influential women in the world. Success always depends on how hard people work and their determination to succeed in life rather than one’s family and background. Even if individuals were brought up by great parents, they would never succeed in their careers if they did not take the right steps and pursue their dreams. For instance, many university students who live in harmonious and supportive families, fail in their studies and, consequently, never succeed in their careers and might enter the poverty cycle. This is due to not taking their studies seriously and not improving their skills, which proves that success depends on a person’s character and efforts. In conclusion, when people apply themselves and work hard to achieve their goals, they can be successful no matter what families or backgrounds they came from.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the way children
are brought
up by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
determines their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. I disagree with this statement as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were raised
in orphanages or by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is a result of one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were brought
up by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, which proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
has nothing to do with one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
influence one’s character to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I would say that it is always up to the person to decide which path to follow and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
to become. Growing up in a toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can serve as a motivation for individuals to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and become independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out and escape their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For example
, Oprah Winfrey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was raised
by a toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that neglected her and abused her during her childhood,
yet
she became one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
and influential women in the world.

Success always depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work and their determination to succeed in life
rather
than one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and background. Even if individuals
were brought
up by great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they would never succeed in their careers if they did not take the right steps and pursue their dreams.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
university students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmonious and supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, fail in their studies and,
consequently
, never succeed in their careers and might enter the poverty cycle. This is due to not taking their studies
seriously
and not improving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
depends on a person’s character and efforts.

In conclusion
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
apply themselves and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to achieve their goals, they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
no matter what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
or backgrounds they came from.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People buy things which they don't need. Why this is happening? Is it a positive or negative development for the Individual and for society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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