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Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.23

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. v. 23
Although it is sometimes thought that university education gives better opportunity in the job market, many people believe gaining experience and mastering soft skills is crucial. In my opinion, I think that learning soft skills and becoming experienced stands a better chance in the job market and the current day situation. On the one hand, it is commonly thought that tertiary education brings job security. Firstly, passing a university is an old trusted method followed by millions of students around the world to secure a place in the job market. To further explain, students undergo a well-planned study schedule which was proposed and modified over the years by experts in their respective fields. Secondly, learners get a chance to live the best part of their lives as they apply themselves in studies and extracurricular activities side by side. As a result, students get an opportunity to participate in different events which could eventually land them in a new field of interest. On the other hand, many people believe that individuals with soft skills tend to do better in the modern-day situation, and I agree. Developing these skills can make you a fortune; for example, various online applications, namely Youtube, Tiktok, Instagram are considered useful these days in monetary terms. Moreover, people get a chance to know about their area of interest. Experienced people see the obstacles from a different point of view, and they tend to bring the best out of a problem. In conclusion, while people vary in their opinion, I think that an experienced individual with soft skills have a sense of satisfaction, and tend to better in the job market.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that university education gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe gaining experience and mastering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is crucial. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and becoming experienced stands a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
day situation.

On the one hand, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that tertiary education brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security.
Firstly
, passing a university is an
Make sure that the adjective 'old' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'trusted'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
old trusted
method followed by millions of students around the world to secure a place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. To
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, students undergo a well-planned study schedule which
was proposed
and modified over the years by experts in their respective fields.
Secondly
, learners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the best part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as they apply themselves in studies and extracurricular activities side by side.
As a result
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which could
eventually
land them in a new field of interest.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that individuals with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
tend to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in the modern-day situation, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Developing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you a fortune;
for example
, various online applications,
namely
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tiktok
, Instagram
are considered
useful these days in monetary terms.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to know about their area of interest. Experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the obstacles from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view, and they tend to bring the best out of a problem.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an experienced individual with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
have a sense of satisfaction, and tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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