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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree? v.8

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. v. 8
Nowadays, people engage in the debate about whether the companies are supposed to offer communal facilities, like sports equipment, for local citizens. From my point of view, it is not a compulsory responsibility of corporations. There is no doubt that corporations are a profitable organization, not a charity institution. The main reason is that most of them intend to make more profit by selling their productions rather than entertain a small proportion of the local citizens. Therefore, the duty of companies is to devote themselves to creating more charming products, so that they need to allocate a large amount of money and time to keep the function up-to-date and improve the quality of products. Another key thing to remember is that they need to balance expenditures and earnings. Only in this way, can the enterprise be run better gradually and carry on business. Moreover, if a company couldn’t be managed well, it must be a burden for them. To put it another way, the firms may not have extra money to build the sport and social facilities for the communities. On the other hand, the companies have already paid the tax to the government. Significantly, the tax is funding that is used for social development and the improvement of people’s lifestyles, like constructing infrastructure or providing free medical treatment for the old. Thereby people already have enjoyed the welfare from the private corporation indirectly. Furthermore, it is obvious that it is the government’s obligation because the related departments know where and what the communities need clearly. Likewise, they have more well-organized plans to design and construct the city, which can boost a healthy and comfortable environment for local people. In conclusion, it is unnecessary for the enterprise to donate the money to provide the community services or facilities, In my opinion, the main task of the companies is to create appealing products in the competitive market and have the ability to hand in more tax. Additionally, the government ought to promote the development of the society.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
engage in the debate about whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are supposed
to offer communal facilities, like sports equipment, for local citizens. From my point of view, it is not a compulsory responsibility of corporations.

There is no doubt that corporations are a profitable organization, not a charity institution. The main reason is that most of them intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profit by selling their productions
rather
than entertain a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion of the local citizens.
Therefore
, the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is to devote themselves to creating more charming products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they need to allocate a large amount of money and time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the function up-to-date and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of products. Another key thing to remember is that they need to balance expenditures and earnings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in this way, can the enterprise
be run
better
gradually
and carry on business.
Moreover
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
couldn’t
be managed
well, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a burden for them. To put it another way, the firms may not have extra money to build the sport and social facilities for the communities.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have already paid the tax to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Significantly
, the tax is funding
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for social development and the improvement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s lifestyles, like constructing infrastructure or providing free medical treatment for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
already have enjoyed the welfare from the private corporation
indirectly
.
Furthermore
, it is obvious that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s obligation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the related departments know where and what the communities need
clearly
.
Likewise
, they have more well-organized plans to design and construct the city, which can boost a healthy and comfortable environment for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, it is unnecessary for the enterprise to donate the money to provide the community services or facilities, In my opinion, the main task of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is to create appealing products in the competitive market and have the ability to hand in more tax.
Additionally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to promote the development of the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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