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Big salary is much more important than a job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant example if necessary. Write at least 250 words. v.1

Big salary is much more important than a job satisfaction. Provide relevant example if necessary. v. 1
It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose a job with more salary, even if it doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely agree with this opinion and think that salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Firstly, I believe that more income can make an individual's life more simple and comfortable. Because, as we are living in the modern era and stuffs are getting expensive, therefore it is necessary to earn more to make the things sorted. While, to achieve the dream of the life high income is must because the money helps us to nourish our daily routine as well as the main reason behind the development of one's personality and social standard. For instance, people with low wage do not even able to achieve the target of their life as compared to a person with tremendous earnings. Secondly, big stipend help individual to work even harder, which results in their career growth and mental growth respectively. In other words, there is a strong relation between money and productivity. People who love their job will always try to excel their payroll and to get promotion is repeatedly their main aim. For example, Jeff Bezos has been just an online bookseller with low income but he decided to expand his business to obtain more profit and he became one of the richest men of the twentieth century. Thus, advantages of great pay keeps you hungry for more. To conclude, I strongly believe that big salary is more beneficial than job satisfaction, it makes people happy and motivated as well as more hardworking.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that it is more advantageous to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with more salary, even if it doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that salary is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

Firstly
, I believe that more income can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual's life more simple and comfortable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, as we are living in the modern era and stuffs are getting expensive,
therefore
it is necessary to earn more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the things sorted. While, to achieve the dream of the life high income is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to nourish our daily routine
as well
as the main reason behind the development of one's personality and social standard.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with low wage do not even able to achieve the target of their life as compared to a person with tremendous earnings.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
stipend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individual to work even harder, which results in their career growth and mental growth
respectively
.
In other words
, there is a strong relation between money and productivity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will always try to excel their payroll and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion is
repeatedly
their main aim.
For example
, Jeff Bezos has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an online bookseller with low income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he decided to expand his business to obtain more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
profit and
he became one of the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
of the twentieth century.
Thus
, advantages of great pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you hungry for more.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salary is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy and motivated
as well
as more hardworking.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than a job satisfaction. Provide relevant example if necessary. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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