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1. Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness? v.1

1. Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness? v. 1
Money is one of the most significant elements of our everyday life. Several individuals believe that if a man can earn a great deal of money, then he can lead a joyful life. Money is ineluctable for making our life delightful, but an excessive amount of money cannot provide more happiness. It is irrefutable that money makes our life comfortable by meeting our demands. In other words, we cannot think to pass a single day without money. This is because we can get our daily necessaries by money. For example, if we desire to have our basic needs, namely food, education, healthcare then, we must need money. Apart from primary needs, money is indispensable for accomplishing people’s mental desires such as helping the poor people, doing fun with family and friends, visiting different countries. So, we can consider ourselves as a happy person when we can achieve our requirements and all these things we can do if we have enough money. However, though the importance of money is immense of our lives, a great amount of money never the source of merriment. Owing to the fact that, with the increase of assets, the needs of people become larger at a rapid pace. Hence, they always stay busy to build a large amount of property and with the think about protecting them. Consequently, they fall in diverse types of tension related sickness such as insomnia, high pressure so on. Therefore, plenty of money never makes our life peaceful. In conclusion, it is widely accepted that more money is the root of more happiness. Though it is feasible to spend a day without money, over money is not a reason of relaxing life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is one of the most significant elements of our everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Several individuals believe that if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can earn a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, then he can lead a joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is ineluctable for making our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
delightful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot provide more happiness.

It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
comfortable by meeting our demands.
In other words
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to pass a single day without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our daily necessaries by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, if we desire to have our basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
namely
food, education, healthcare then, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Apart from primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is indispensable for accomplishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mental desires such as helping the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, doing fun with family and friends, visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can consider ourselves as a happy person when we can achieve our requirements and all these things we can do if we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.

However
, though the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is immense of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
never the source of merriment. Owing to the fact that, with the increase of assets, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become larger at a rapid pace.
Hence
, they always stay busy to build a large amount of property and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about protecting them.
Consequently
, they fall in diverse types of tension related sickness such as insomnia, high pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
peaceful.

In conclusion
, it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the root of more happiness. Though it is feasible to spend a day without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not a reason of relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay 1. Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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