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Climate change is an issue. Do you agree with that? v.6

Climate change is an issue. Do you agree with that? v. 6
Truth be told, I don't think people in my country do much to keep fit, but I can say that some men, especially younger ones, play football not only for keeping fit, but also for enjoying. People other than younger males generally do walking. It is very important to do physical exercise on a regular basis because it protects both physical and psychological health. Some people argue that modern lifestyle is unhealthy because many people who work are not able to find enough time to relax mentally and do regular exercise that helps us keep healthy. I think individuals should be responsible of their healths, but governments make efforts in keeping their citizens healthy because no government wants an unhealthy population. I think some advertisements can be broadcasted, and in these advertisements, the benefits of being healthy can be explained because some people are not aware of what they would have if they did maintain (a) healthy lifestyle. People generally use public transports, such as metro and busses, and some of them drive their own cars to travel to their works. There is always traffic congestion on motorways not because of insufficient lanes, but because of the excessive number of vehicles. This traffic problem affects me badly because it takes longer than usual to get to work. I don't believe this problem will be solved if some improvements related to motorways are made. Instead of doing that, the authorities should temp people to use public transports more. The more people use public transports, the less vehicles are on motorways. This may lead to less traffic congestion
Truth be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
, I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my country do much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I can say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
especially
younger ones, play football not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for keeping fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for enjoying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
other than younger males
generally
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go walking".
do walking
.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to do physical exercise on a regular basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it protects both physical and psychological health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that modern lifestyle is unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work are not able to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to relax mentally and do regular exercise that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
individuals should be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts in keeping their citizens healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
wants an unhealthy population.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertisements can
be broadcasted
, and in these advertisements, the benefits of being healthy can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of what they would have if they did maintain (a) healthy lifestyle.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transports, such as metro and busses, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them drive their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars to travel to their works.

There is always traffic congestion on motorways not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of insufficient lanes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the excessive number of vehicles.

This traffic problem affects me
badly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it takes longer than usual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to work.

I don't believe this problem will
be solved
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvements related to motorways
are made
.
Instead
of doing that, the authorities should temp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transports more. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transports, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun vehicles is countable.
less
vehicles are on motorways. This may lead to less traffic
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
congestion
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Climate change is an issue. Do you agree with that? v. 6

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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