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City and suburban transportation system does not meet the needs of commuters who come to work in the city and needs to be changed To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.2

City and suburban transportation system does not meet the needs of commuters who come to work in the city and needs to be changed with this statement v. 2
Modern world demands a rapid transportation system but many large cities still lack a well-arranged network of buses and trains. Many students and workers from the outskirts of the city come to the center of the cities where all the workplaces, schools and colleges are usually situated. Therefore, it needs to be well-managed and the main shortcomings in this existing system are few numbers of routes and it does not cover all the geographic sites. This essay discusses these two in detail. The first shortcoming of the existing system is that there are only a few numbers of bus and train routes due to which passengers have to wait for hours in order to commute from home to work or school. Waiting for a long time is not liked especially when there is an urgent situation, for example, in case of an ailing relative or when there is an urgent meeting. Additionally, this waiting time is generally a wastage of time, people use this time for playing games on phone or deleting e-mails and only a few utilize this time for any fruitful activity like reading a book. In addition to the above, another failing is that existing transportation system does not cover every corner of the city or suburbs and in order to reach a bus stop or railway station citizens need to walk a lot. It is not possible for everyone to walk a few kilometers every day, for instance, senior citizens and small children find it extremely difficult to walk for a long time. Further, these bus stops or train stops are very few in number especially in the suburbs and consequently commuting from suburb becomes more difficult. To conclude, the present transportation system has many problems and does not fully meet the current demand. The two main reasons behind this are very few buses or train routes and lack of coverage of the whole geographic area by the buses and the trains.
Modern world demands a rapid transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
still
lack a well-arranged network of buses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students and workers from the outskirts of the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the center of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
where all the workplaces, schools and colleges are
usually
situated.
Therefore
, it needs to be well-managed and the main shortcomings in this existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
are few numbers of routes and it does not cover all the geographic sites. This essay discusses these two in detail.

The
first
shortcoming of the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few numbers of bus and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
routes due to which passengers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for hours in order to commute from home to work or school. Waiting for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not liked
especially
when there is an urgent situation,
for example
, in case of an ailing relative or when there is an urgent meeting.
Additionally
, this waiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
generally
a wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing games on phone or deleting e-mails and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few utilize this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for any fruitful activity like reading a book.

In addition
to the above, another failing is that existing transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does not cover every corner of the city or suburbs and in order to reach a bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
or railway station citizens need to walk a lot. It is not possible for everyone to walk a few kilometers every day,
for instance
, senior citizens and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children find it
extremely
difficult to walk for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Further
, these bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
few in number
especially
in the suburbs and
consequently
commuting from suburb becomes more difficult.

To conclude
, the present transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and does not
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
demand. The two main reasons behind this are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few buses or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
routes and lack of coverage of the whole geographic area by the buses and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay City and suburban transportation system does not meet the needs of commuters who come to work in the city and needs to be changed with this statement v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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