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100 years ago, traveling by ship took weeks. Nowadays, developments in aviation mean that people can travel the same distance in hours. v.2

100 years ago, traveling by ship took weeks. Nowadays, developments in aviation mean that people can travel the same distance in hours. v. 2
Earlier people had to undergo discomforts and seasickness to travel from one part to another part of the world but now traveling time has drastically reduced due to advancements in airplane technology. Navigating on an airplane is preferred over voyaging in a ship as traveling in an aircraft is far more convenient, comfortable and quick. Airplane journies are way convenient and comfortable than ship journies. Passengers might feel several jerks during an air flight but those jerks occur only at the time of takeoff and landing only but in case of ships, the journey is full of turns and jerks. Nowadays, airlines have included many services to enhance the experience of their customers. Every aircraft is now equipped with facilities such as wireless fidelity, television screens, pubs, eateries etcetera. Furthermore, the duration of travel time is way less in case of air flight which makes it more favorable in case you have an urgent situation. For example, if you have an ailing relative or an urgent meeting and so on. Airplanes give a sigh of relief in such a situation. Additionally, flights make a holiday worth enjoying for a greater duration than ships do. Also, seasickness is more prevalent among travelers than air sickness as very few cases of air sickness are noted than seasickness. Seasickness can last for weeks whereas air sickness lasts only for a few hours. However, air-tickets can be much more expensive than the voyage tickets, at least fifty percent more expensive. To conclude, it is common to view that aviation makes traveling much more convenient, comfortable and rapid. Despite the expenses, the merits of air flights are much more important than sea voyages.
Earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to undergo discomforts and seasickness to travel from one part to another part of the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
traveling time has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to advancements in airplane technology. Navigating on an airplane
is preferred
over voyaging in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ship
as traveling in an aircraft is far more convenient, comfortable and quick.

Airplane
Possible spelling mistake found.
journies
are way convenient and
Use "(comfortable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
comfortable
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ship
Possible spelling mistake found.
journies
. Passengers might feel several jerks during an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those jerks occur
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at the time of takeoff and landing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ships
, the journey is full of turns and jerks. Nowadays, airlines have included
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
services to enhance the experience of their customers. Every aircraft is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equipped with facilities such as wireless fidelity, television screens, pubs, eateries etcetera.

Furthermore
, the duration of travel time is way less in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flight
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more favorable in case you have an urgent situation.
For example
, if you have an ailing relative or an urgent meeting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Airplanes give a sigh of relief in such a situation.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a holiday worth enjoying for a greater duration than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ships
do.

Also
, seasickness is more prevalent among travelers than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
sickness as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
sickness
are noted
than seasickness. Seasickness can last for weeks whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
sickness lasts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a few hours.

However
, air-tickets can be much more expensive than the voyage tickets, at least fifty percent more expensive.

To conclude
, it is common to view that aviation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
traveling much more convenient, comfortable and rapid. Despite the expenses, the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than sea voyages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay 100 years ago, traveling by ship took weeks. Nowadays, developments in aviation mean that people can travel the same distance in hours. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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