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Choose a place you go to often that is important to you and explain why it is important. Please include specific details in your explanation. （TPO 02 task1） v.3

Choose a place you go to often that is important to you and explain why it is important. Please include specific details in your explanation. （TPO 02 task1） v. 3
Some museums have an admission charge while some do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an entrance fee are eclipsed by its benefits in the sense that the income will be ploughed back into the processes and development of the museums. A major disadvantage of an intake fee is the possibility of reducing the number of visitors. Museums house exhibitions and artefacts of great educational and historical value. If the chief aim of a museum is to introduce the local community, admission should be free to the public and visitors. Take some folk museums in Hong Kong, which preserve historic relics and display folk customs, for example. Admission to these folk museums, which are often monuments, is free of charge. If they had charged an entrance fee, many might have turned to other activities. Although an entrance fee might have a negative effect on the figures, but an income is favorable to museums in terms of operative capacity. Furthermore, museums feature educational exhibitions at times, and this could not have been done without a sum of money expended on hiring professionals and buying equipment. Nevertheless, the Hong Kong Space Museum, for instance, has monthly exhibitions on different issues and professional docents are employed to take visitors on a guided tour around the museum. This example speaks volumes about how a reasonable admission charge is advantageous to the operation of a museum. In conclusion, the disadvantages of the fee are overshadowed by the benefits accruing from a stable source of income. Therefore, having weighed up the pros and cons, I am convinced that museums should charge an entrance fee for the sake of operability and development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
are eclipsed
by its benefits in the sense that the income will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'ploughed' is British English.
ploughed
back into the processes and development of the museums.

A major disadvantage of an intake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is the possibility of reducing the number of visitors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
exhibitions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
of great educational and historical value. If the chief aim of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is to introduce the local community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
should be free to the public and visitors. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Hong Kong, which preserve historic relics and display folk customs,
for example
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Admission
to these folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
monuments, is free of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
. If they had charged an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
,
Possible agreement error. The noun might seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much might", "a good deal of might".
many might
have turned to other activities.

Although an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the figures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an income is favorable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in terms of operative capacity.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
feature educational exhibitions at times, and this could not have
been done
without a sum of money expended on hiring professionals and buying equipment.
Nevertheless
, the Hong Kong Space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
,
for instance
, has monthly exhibitions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues and professional docents
are employed
to take visitors on a guided tour around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. This example speaks volumes about how a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
is advantageous to the operation of a museum.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
are overshadowed
by the benefits accruing from a stable source of income.
Therefore
, having weighed up the pros and cons, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for the sake of
Possible spelling mistake found.
operability
and development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Choose a place you go to often that is important to you and explain why it is important. Please include specific details in your explanation. （TPO 02 task1） v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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