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Most artists earn low salaries and therefore should receive findings from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Most artists earn low salaries and therefore should receive findings from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 2
Two days ago, there was an article about artists in Kazakhstan. In the article, the author highlighted that artists are in need of financial backup due to the low salary. This leads one to wonder whether governments should pay extra money to artists. This essay agrees with the idea of financial aid for the following reasons. The first reason is that this aid will help artists to develop their skills in art. Artists need a governmental support in order to refine their skills. Once they improve their competency in artwork, they will be able to produce high-quality performances to entertain audience and, therefore, boost the public interest in art. For example, according to the top manager of the main theater in Karaganda city, while being provided with financial assistance by the state, his artists have started to take new plays to perform on stage, which in turn have attracted many visitors. Another reason for financial support to artists is that artists can fully commit to art. Unless the government allocate extra pay for artists, they have to take part-time jobs, which reflects on culture. However, as soon as, the government supply them with extra funding, they can abandon their additional occupation and fully immerse in art. This results in cultural development. For instance, many artists stopped selling clothes in the local market, once the authorities agreed to raise their salary by twenty percent annually. However, some economists claim that the government should not support artists. The main argument for this point of view is that there are more important occupations to support. As well as artists, teachers and medical staff have low salaries and need extra pay from the government, but if the authorities allocate aid to artists, then they will have to decrease the wages in education and health care, which will negatively affect their work. Despite this, the work of artists is also significant as it enriches people spiritually and culturally. In conclusion, artists should certainly receive a decent help from the government as this will allow them grow in qualifications and leave extra jobs.
Two days ago, there was an article about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in Kazakhstan. In the article, the author highlighted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are in need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backup due to the low salary. This leads one to wonder whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid for the following reasons.

The
first
reason is that this aid will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
need a governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
in order to refine their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their competency in artwork, they will be able to produce high-quality performances to entertain audience and,
therefore
, boost the public interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
, according to the top manager of the main theater in Karaganda city, while
being provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance by the state, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take new plays to perform on stage, which in turn have attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
visitors.

Another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can
fully
commit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. Unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time jobs, which reflects on culture.
However
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supply them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
funding, they can abandon their additional occupation and
fully
immerse in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This results in cultural development.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
selling clothes in the local market, once the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to raise their salary by twenty percent
annually
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economists claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. The main argument for this point of view is that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occupations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
As well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, teachers and medical staff have low salaries and need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
pay from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the authorities allocate aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, then they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decrease the wages in education and health care, which will
negatively
affect their work. Despite this, the work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is
also
significant as it enriches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spiritually
and
culturally
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
certainly
receive a decent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them
Please check whether 'to' is missing here (to allow to do something).
grow
in qualifications and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
jobs.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and therefore should receive findings from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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