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1. It is that in many countries, not enough students are choosing science subjects at university. What do you think are the causes of the problem? What are the effects on society? v.1

1. It is that in many countries, not enough students are choosing science subjects at university. What do you think are the causes of the problem? What are the effects on society? v. 1
The big planet earth of yesteryears has shrunk to a well-linked global village. This in turn has opened multifarious career opportunities before people. In most of the countries, the number of students choosing to study science subjects are getting reduced. The myriad of reasons, causing the same and effects out of it are discussed herewith. First and foremost, the reduced salary offered to those whose excel in scientific areas prevents majority of scholars to choose science subjects. For example, if scientists of India are taken into consideration, the salary paid to them is meagre when compared to the efforts that they put in each day. The pioneers in science fields are considered as role models by growing generation. The reduced salary offered to the famous people in scientific areas can diminish the interest in most of the students. Apart from this, to excel in scientific areas, one will have to undergo multitudinal trainings wherein a hefty amount of money and time will be incurred. The effects out of the decreasing interest in students to opt for science in universities will have an adverse impact on the future of the countries. The new inventions by scientists makes the life of mankind much more easier. The decreasing interests in students to choose science subjects in universities inturn reduces the number of scientists the near future. For example, consider a case if electricity was not invented, then life would not have been as easy as today. Apart from this, the multifarious employment opportunities offered by various technologies, developed by scientists also decreases, which in turn affects the economy of the company. In a nutshell, I would like to reiterate that the reduced salary offered to those employed in scientific fields and the large amount of money and time incurred, to excel in their areas, prevents students from choosing science in universities. The reduced number of children choosing science subjects can in turn reduce the number of job opportunities. It can also make the life of people more arduous.
The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
planet earth of
Possible spelling mistake found.
yesteryears
has shrunk to a well-linked global village. This in turn has opened multifarious career opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In most of the countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choosing to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
. The myriad of reasons, causing the same and effects out of it
are discussed
herewith.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
to those whose excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
scholars to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
of India
are taken
into consideration, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
paid to them is
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
when compared to the efforts that they put in each day. The pioneers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
fields
are considered
as role models by growing generation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can diminish the interest in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Apart from this, to excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, one will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo
Possible spelling mistake found.
multitudinal
trainings wherein a hefty amount of money and time will
be incurred
.

The effects out of the decreasing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in universities will have an adverse impact on the future of the countries. The new inventions by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the life of mankind much
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
decreasing interests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in universities
Possible spelling mistake found.
inturn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
the near future.
For example
, consider a case if electricity was not invented, then life would not have been as easy as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Apart from this, the multifarious employment opportunities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
by various technologies, developed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
also
decreases, which in turn affects the economy of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In a nutshell, I would like to reiterate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
to those employed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
fields and the large amount of money and time incurred, to excel in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in universities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of children choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of job opportunities. It can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more arduous.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. It is that in many countries, not enough students are choosing science subjects at university. What do you think are the causes of the problem? What are the effects on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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