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children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v.6

children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 6
Throughout last decades, the TV has been extending a channel list via the cable television, thereby with years was appearing more channels for children. That attracted a majority of children that led to spending more hours watching such channels. Nevertheless, this activity as the other has not only a positive impact on a part of education and safe pastime, but also drawbacks on part of the wellness and content. Firstly, the children's TV attracts a majority of parents because provide many shows for the education, and allow attracting children to stay at a home that leads to the safe pastime. For example, the popular cartoon "Dora the Explorer" is teaching of many skills such as the rules of conduct and math. Likewise, a criminal level in many megalopolises is high, thereby as more children stay at home as safer they are. Thus, watching the TV in a particular situation is useful and provide a benefit for children and parents. Nonetheless, viewing the TV has many drawbacks for children`s wellness and in a part of content. For instance, this activity assumes the sedentary style of life that leads occasionally for different diseases. Moreover, content of many cartoons not always for a child that leads to controversial results such as learning rude words or bad behaviour. Likewise, presently, all channels have much the advertisement that occasionally has an adult content. Consequently, watching the TV should be strictly controlled and channels should adjust a show separating it on groups for a different age. To conclude, today, television for children has many of negative that accompany a profit. Therefore, if increase the control under content and the hours that spend watching the TV channels, probably then advantages outweigh disadvantages.
Throughout last decades, the TV has been extending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
list via the cable television, thereby with years
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
was appearing
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. That attracted a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that led to spending more hours watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
Nevertheless
, this activity as the other has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on a part of education and safe pastime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
drawbacks on part of the wellness and content.

Firstly
, the children's TV attracts a majority of parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for the education, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay at a home that leads to the safe pastime.
For example
, the popular cartoon
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Dora the Explorer
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is teaching of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of conduct and math.
Likewise
, a criminal level in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
megalopolises is high, thereby as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay at home as safer they are.
Thus
, watching the TV in a particular situation is useful and provide a benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents.

Nonetheless, viewing the TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks for
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
wellness and in a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
For instance
, this activity assumes the sedentary style of life that leads
occasionally
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cartoons not always for a child that leads to controversial results such as learning rude words or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Likewise
,
presently
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
have much the advertisement that
occasionally
has an adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
Consequently
, watching the TV should be
strictly
controlled and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
should adjust a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
separating it on groups for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, television for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
that accompany a profit.
Therefore
, if increase the control under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and the hours that spend watching the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
,
probably
then advantages outweigh disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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