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Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional past times than spending all day indoors. v.5

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional past times than spending all day indoors. v. 5
Together with computerization of our society, there is a rising of public awareness about kids, who spend too much time in front of the personal computer or playing video games. What it best for children to devote their free time to outdoor activities and conventional games or to be at home and entertain themselves with the computer? Some types of PC games can be very intelligent and may contain huge educational potential. They can encourage youngsters to develop researching skills and inspire them to learn new things. However, a significant amount of video games is dumb-type, which develops nothing but button-pushing skill. Unfortunately, these games are usually highly addictive. Thus, they can cause the lack of physical activity and even serious mental diseases. Outdoor games often more beneficial for kids’ health. They not only train them in terms if agility and endurance, but teach children to socialise and make friends. Moreover, they make them stronger because of fresh air, physical activity and exposure to the sunlight. Therefore, being on the street not always safe. An unattended child can receive trauma or become a subject of crime. I was not very outgoing and physically active kid and preferred rather read than to play with others. Getting a computer brought more diversity for my leisure and study. It helped me to experience new emotions, learn new things, study English and meet interesting people online. Aptitude in Information technologies has helped me to get a good job and then grow up in my job. Therefore I think parents should look at their child’s personality in order to decide what is more appropriate. Finding a balance between electronic entertainment and outdoor games depends on parents’ ability to identify what best benefits their child.
Together with computerization of our society, there is a rising of public awareness about kids, who spend too much time in front of the personal computer or playing video
games
. What
it
best for children to devote their free time to outdoor activities and conventional
games
or to be at home and entertain themselves with the computer?

Some
types of PC
games
can be
very
intelligent and may contain huge educational potential. They can encourage youngsters to develop researching
skills
and inspire them to learn new things.
However
, a significant amount of video
games
is dumb-type, which develops nothing
but
button-pushing
skill
. Unfortunately, these
games
are
usually
highly
addictive.
Thus
, they can cause the lack of physical activity and even serious mental diseases.

Outdoor
games
often
more beneficial for kids’ health. They not
only
train them in terms if agility and endurance,
but
teach children to
socialise
and
make
friends.
Moreover
, they
make
them stronger
because
of fresh air, physical activity and exposure to the sunlight.
Therefore
, being on the street not always safe. An unattended child can receive trauma or become a subject of crime.

I was not
very
outgoing and
physically
active kid and preferred
rather
read than to play with others. Getting a computer brought more diversity for my leisure and study. It
helped
me to experience new emotions, learn new things, study English and
meet
interesting
people
online. Aptitude in Information technologies has
helped
me to
get
a
good
job and then grow up in my job.
Therefore
I
think
parents should look at their child’s personality in order to decide
what is more
appropriate. Finding a balance between electronic entertainment and outdoor
games
depends on parents’ ability to identify what best benefits their child.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional past times than spending all day indoors. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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