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Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. v. 3
Children are the tender buds of the society and they are required to tag True values of life. In this present scenario, most of youngsters depend upon the modern gadgets and spend less time on playing outdoor activities which is essential for their development and growth. So, I completely accorded with this statement. To embark on, there are multiple reasons that adolescence is more engaged in Indoor activities rather than outdoor activities. Firstly, the most indispensable reason is that children are busy withtheir hectic schedule so that's why they have no enough time to play with your friends. So that's why they spend more time on their mobiles and computers. The adolescence has more burden of their studies so that's why they had not enough time to play outdoors activities. Whereas, nowadays Technology is updated at an exponential rate as there is various kinds of different games which is very interested and children's are also more interested in playing that game they feel relax while playing this games. To illustrate, now-a-days teenagers spend most of time in playing pub games which is the one of the famous and boy spend a lot of time in playing it and wasting their time and they not spend most of time on studying. Secondly, there are various benefits while playing outdoor activities as by playing this activities the children cannot only improve their mental fitness as well as their physical fitness. Physical activities play a crucial role in the life of the students as they can also show their interest and talent in the sport field. To conclude, the parents should give attention towards children's that how much time you should spend on indoor activities and outdoor activities, it is the responsibility of the parents to nurture their children's according to the requirements.
Children are the tender buds of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they
are required
to tag True values of life. In this present scenario,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the youngsters") or simply say "most youngsters".
most of youngsters
depend upon the modern gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which is essential for their development and growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I completely accorded with this statement.

To embark on, there are multiple reasons that adolescence is more engaged in Indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, the most indispensable reason is that children are busy
Possible spelling mistake found.
withtheir
hectic schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that's why they have no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play with your friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that's why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their mobiles and computers. The adolescence has more burden of their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that's why they had not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Whereas, nowadays Technology
is updated
at an exponential rate as there is various kinds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested and children's are
also
more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
that game they feel relax while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
pub
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which is the one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
it and wasting their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on studying.

Secondly
, there are various benefits while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
the children cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental fitness
as well
as their physical fitness. Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play a crucial role in the life of the students as they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest and talent in the sport field.

To conclude
, the parents should give attention towards children's that how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it is the responsibility of the parents to nurture their children's according to the requirements.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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