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Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. v. 2
In the recent years, the impact of growing number of advertisements can be seen on people, particularly on the youngsters. Indeed, most ads are made to target children, as they are vulnerable to get get influenced quickly. In my opinion, not all advertisements affects adversily, rather are made for purpose. Advertisements of various products are gaining popularity these days. Many hold the negative view about the commercials telecasted during daily shows. They are being objected for containing scenes which children should not perceive. For instance, adverts relating to taking drugs, although, the message imparted is positive, yet the images are sensitive for children to watch. Contrary to this, advertising about such information, not only spreads awareness but also creates fear in the young mind and directs them to take the right path in life. Another arguement put forward in support of my point, is myraid of commercials aim to educate the tender mind about multiple products and services available in the market. such marketing strategy simply helps children to be more sensible while making their choices. Indeed, there are number of advertisements, which offer their products in attractive packaging to lure youngsters and try to lay a trap to target them. However, there are companies who before presenting the product, define their purpose well. As in the case of handwash and other soaps, so that children can understand its value before even using it. To sum up, not all advertisements leave a negative impact on kids. Companies are now in constant competition and hence understand the value of their customers. It is therefore necessary to have a broader perspective of today's adverts.
In the recent years, the impact of growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
particularly
on the youngsters.
Indeed
, most ads
are made
to target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they are vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced
quickly
. In my opinion, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
affects
Possible spelling mistake found.
adversily
,
rather
are made
for purpose.

Advertisements of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are gaining popularity these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
hold the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
view about the commercials
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
during daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. They are
being objected
for containing scenes which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not perceive.
For instance
, adverts relating to taking drugs, although, the message imparted is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
yet
the images are sensitive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. Contrary to this, advertising about such information, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spreads awareness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
creates fear in the young mind and directs them to take the right path in life.

Another
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguement
put forward in support of my point, is
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
of commercials aim to educate the tender mind about multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services available in the market.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
marketing strategy
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more sensible while making their choices.
Indeed
, there are number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, which offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in attractive packaging to lure youngsters and try to lay a trap to target them.
However
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
presenting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, define their purpose well. As in the case of
Possible spelling mistake found.
handwash
and other soaps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can understand its value
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even using it.

To sum up, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on kids.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in constant competition and
hence
understand the value of their customers. It is
therefore
necessary to have a broader perspective of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's adverts.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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