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Children should learn practical skills like cocking or personal finance in the school. Agree or disagree? v.1

Children should learn practical skills like cocking or personal finance in the school. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Advanced medical facilities has increased chances of survival and the individual's life. In my view, I feel that improved lifespan has greater impact and more benefits as compared to the disadvantages. Firstly, every individual has some set of skills which are being developed as he or she becomes old. For instance, if somebody is interested in music from childhood, that person becomes a master in music as grows older, which obviously comes with practice. Latest medical facilities allow everyone to be fit and fine as well as increases life span. Some skills are directly dependent on health conditions such as gymnastic games, these also fully rely on practice. Players need to take supplements such as vitamins and proteins which is possible because of modern inventions in medicines. Secondly, these days, medicines and treatments are available on almost every other disease. People are now fearless and living happily as compared with in the past. It is observed that when people are happy, country and the world is cherished. Improved treatments have decreased rate of death and hence average age recently observed is around 80 plus years. Though, there are some disadvantages such as increased population because of the decreased death rate and constant birth rate. This is increasing tension on the natural resources too. But, as mentioned above, people are working hard in every field on unique and variety of inventions to find out replacement for natural resources and these inventions are making the life easier. In conclusion, I think that medical facilities improved survival chances has advantages that definitely outweigh disadvantages.
Advanced medical facilities has increased chances of survival and the individual's life. In my view, I feel that
improved
lifespan has greater impact and more benefits as compared to the disadvantages.

Firstly
, every individual has
some
set of
skills
which are
being developed
as he or she becomes
old
.
For instance
, if somebody
is interested
in music from childhood, that person becomes a master in music as grows older, which
obviously
comes
with practice.
Latest
medical facilities
allow
everyone to
be fit
and fine
as well
as increases life span.
Some
skills
are
directly
dependent on health conditions such as gymnastic games, these
also
fully
rely on practice. Players need to take supplements such as vitamins and proteins which is possible
because
of modern inventions in medicines.

Secondly
, these days, medicines and treatments are available on almost every other disease.
People
are
now
fearless and living
happily
as compared with in the past. It
is observed
that when
people
are happy, country and the world
is cherished
.
Improved
treatments have decreased rate of death and
hence
average age recently observed is around 80 plus years.

Though, there are
some
disadvantages such as increased population
because
of the decreased death rate and constant birth rate. This is increasing tension on the natural resources too.
But
, as mentioned above,
people
are working
hard
in every field on unique and variety of inventions to find out replacement for natural resources and these inventions are making the life easier.

In conclusion
, I
think
that medical facilities
improved
survival chances has advantages that definitely outweigh disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should learn practical skills like cocking or personal finance in the school. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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