Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Children should learn co operation. but others think that competition is more important to learn. Discuss both views give opinion. v.2

Children should learn co operation. but others think that competition is more important to learn. v. 2
Certain people believe that off springs should be encouraged for competition with others whereas other are not agree with them and they think that co-operation is more useful as compared to competition and it helps to children become more useful grown-up. both notions will be explained in impending paragraphs. There are multifarious reasons why people think that to learn competition is more essential. First and foremost reason is, in modern era. The sense of competition is more important to learn because in every field people want to compete with others to get better work opportunities. To illustrates, after complete their study when people start their business they want to know how to compete with other organisations and if they don' t know regarding how to compete with others, so consequently, they will fail to expand their business. Secondly, the sense of competition is also play a significant role games because and games day compete with others to win the game. On the contrary, other people believe that cooperation is also an important. Firstly, in several times people want to co-operate with others. For instance, when one team loss match and other win that time they accept their loss. In addition, If they do not accept their loss. So definitely this make violence. secondly, cooperation is also help to make society better and without violence because when people will co-operate with others in their workplace, public places, so consequently, all people get benefits. To conclude, from my perspective, both skills play an important role to become useful person. So both skills should be learnt by children because only one quality cannot help you make better community.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that off springs should
be encouraged
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
with others whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
are not
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that co-operation is more useful as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to children become more useful grown-up.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
both
notions will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in impending paragraphs.

There are multifarious reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is more essential.
First
and foremost reason is, in modern era. The sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in every field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
with others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better work opportunities. To illustrates, after complete their study when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their business they want to know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t know regarding how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
consequently
, they will fail to expand their business.
Secondly
, the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "played".
play
a significant role games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
and games day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
with others to win the game.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that cooperation is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Firstly
, in several times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to co-operate with others.
For instance
, when one team loss match and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
win that time they accept their loss.
In addition
, If they do not accept their loss.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
definitely this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
violence.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, cooperation is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "helped".
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
society better and without violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will co-operate with others in their workplace, public places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
consequently
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits.

To conclude
, from my perspective, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to become useful person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one quality cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better community.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should learn co operation. but others think that competition is more important to learn. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts