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Children should learn co operation. but others think that competition is more important to learn. Discuss both views give opinion. v.1

Children should learn co operation. but others think that competition is more important to learn. v. 1
In the contemporary epoch of consumerism, and owing to the prevailing trend of the dominance of big supermarkets, it is often argued by some masses that this scenario emerges a threat of extinction for incapable smaller and indigenous businesses and localities. In my opinion, supermarkets, indeed, are resulting in shutdown of local businesses, however, it cannot be considered as a potential threat to any local community. Some claim that the lack of traditional and local small shops forces, masses to travel some distance of at least 15-20 minutes from their houses. For example, it generally affects their day-to-day routine, as they have to spare additional time for doing grocery and shopping of other essential goods, which were available at a walking distance for almost everyone while visiting stores in their nearby spaces. Moreover, such gigantic international stores harms the earnings of the small shopkeepers and may drive them to run out of business, resulting in an imbalance in trade policy. Nevertheless, it is not a threat to any community, rather it brings the possibilities of trade. Even though the influence of such big sellers on the indigenous businesses is quite considerable, it is not a danger to the existence of communities and their trade opportunities. Rather, the local sellers can provide the goods made in their region to such stores, since overheads of the export of international products are the prime reason behind the expensive market for the populace. If such type of practice is promoted, the emergence of supermarkets will bring benefits instead of any financial stress or potential threat to the earnings of the locals. In conclusion, I deem that the proliferation of large shops, providing everything available under one roof, will not endanger the existence, though it holds opportunities to become providers for these gigantic stores.
In the contemporary epoch of consumerism, and owing to the prevailing trend of the dominance of
big
supermarkets, it is
often
argued by
some
masses that this scenario emerges a
threat
of extinction for incapable smaller and indigenous
businesses
and localities. In my opinion, supermarkets,
indeed
, are resulting in shutdown of
local
businesses
,
however
, it cannot
be considered
as a potential
threat
to any
local
community.

Some
claim that the lack of traditional and
local
small
shops forces, masses to travel
some
distance of at least 15-20 minutes from their
houses
.
For example
, it
generally
affects their day-to-day routine, as they
have to
spare additional time for doing grocery and shopping of other essential
goods
, which were available at a walking distance for almost everyone while visiting
stores
in their nearby spaces.
Moreover
, such gigantic international
stores
harms the earnings of the
small
shopkeepers and may drive them to run out of
business
, resulting in an imbalance in trade policy.

Nevertheless
, it is not a
threat
to any community,
rather
it brings the possibilities of trade.
Even though
the influence of such
big
sellers on the indigenous
businesses
is quite considerable, it is not a
danger
to the existence of communities and their trade opportunities.
Rather
, the
local
sellers can provide the
goods
made in their region to such
stores
, since overheads of the export of international products are the prime reason behind the expensive market for the populace. If such type of practice
is promoted
, the emergence of supermarkets will bring benefits
instead
of any financial
stress
or potential
threat
to the earnings of the locals.

In conclusion
, I deem that the proliferation of large shops, providing everything available under one roof, will not endanger the existence, though it holds opportunities to become providers for these gigantic
stores
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should learn co operation. but others think that competition is more important to learn. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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