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Children over 15 years should be allowed to take their own decision without any interference from Their parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Children over 15 years should be allowed to take their own decision without any interference from Their parents. v. 2
I would not prefer to supporting this idea of making the decision by themselves over 15 years old because of some reasons. But most of the parents faced with that situation, which their children decide to make decisions themselves by their own perspective, and it is hard to pull to them. The first reason of my thought is the children often don' t know some situation' s harmful results. Although, they think believing themselves is the right way, instead of following their parents until the see the result of decisions on teenage. For instance, I feel it myself on every step of my life, and now I supposed to take advice from my family. Secondly, most of the teenagers over 15 is making decisions by their emotional on that situation. Sometimes following emotional thoughts make life better, but in another hand, it is riskier. For example, I decided to go camping with my classmates in middle school while my parents tried to stop me, but my mates drunk and fought between each other. Then I apologize to hang out with them. As a result, I realized to make decisions with my parents is more influence than make decisions alone because of many cases like I mentioned above. So I would like to stand with the side of children doesn' t make decisions themselves without any advice from their parents.
I would not prefer to
supporting
this
idea
of making the
decision
by themselves over 15 years
old
because
of
some
reasons.
But
most of the
parents
faced with that situation, which their children decide to
make
decisions
themselves by their
own
perspective, and it is
hard
to pull to them.

The
first
reason of my
thought
is the children
often
don&
#039; t know
some
situation&
#039; s harmful results. Although, they
think
believing themselves is the right way,
instead
of following their
parents
until the
see
the result of
decisions
on teenage.
For instance
, I feel it myself on every step of my life, and
now
I supposed to take advice from my family.

Secondly
, most of the
teenagers
over 15 is making
decisions
by their emotional on that situation.
Sometimes
following emotional thoughts
make
life better,
but
in another hand, it is riskier.
For example
, I decided to go camping with my classmates in middle school while my
parents
tried to
stop
me,
but
my mates drunk and fought between each other. Then I apologize to hang out with them.

As a result
, I realized to
make
decisions
with my
parents
is more influence than
make
decisions
alone
because
of
many
cases like I mentioned above.
So
I would like to stand with the side of children
doesn&
#039; t
make
decisions
themselves without any advice from their
parents
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Children over 15 years should be allowed to take their own decision without any interference from Their parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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