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Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your v.4

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your v. 4
Television has become an integral feature of almost every household in the world As a result, children undoubtedly spend more time watching television than previous generations and less time being active. There are several reasons for this phenomenon and also a number of strategies to encourage children to be more act VC. Firstly, televisions have become much more accessible through pricc reduction. Also, interesting programmes which target children, such as cartoons, have increased in number and improved in quality, which attracts a greater number of children viewers. Another reason for the increase in television viewing is related to the amount of time young people and children have these days. Often by the time they have studied a full day, they arc simply too tired to go outside and play or do sports. However, it is still vital that children spend enough time outdoors playing and being active. One approach which could be taken to motivate young children is to take the time to do fun outdoor activities with them, such as ice-skating or going to the beach for a swim. Running children’s outdoor fun groups and camps is another way to encourage young people to be active. As well as these, schools can run physical education classes as part of their curriculum to ensure the rccommcndcd levels of activity are completed each day. Finally, television programmes can build awareness and ideas for physical activities into their shows. All in all, the reduction in the price of televisions together with high quality of children’s programmes and the time children have have contributed to the problem. However, as discussed above, there arc several initiatives which could help to combat the issue of increased television viewing and decreased physical activities in today’s children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has become an integral feature of almost every household in the world
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
undoubtedly
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
than previous generations and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being active.

There are several reasons for this phenomenon and
also
a number of strategies to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more act VC.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
have become much more accessible through
Possible spelling mistake found.
pricc
reduction.
Also
, interesting
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, such as cartoons, have increased in number and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in quality, which attracts a greater number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
viewers. Another reason for the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewing
is related
to the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have studied a full day, they arc
simply
too tired to go outside and play or do sports.

However
, it is
still
vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outdoors playing and being active. One approach which could
be taken
to motivate young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do fun outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with them, such as ice-skating or going to the beach for a swim. Running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
outdoor fun groups and camps is another way to encourage young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be active.
As well
as these, schools can run physical education classes as part of their curriculum to ensure the
Possible spelling mistake found.
rccommcndcd
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
are completed
each day.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can build awareness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

All in all, the reduction in the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
together with high quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible typo: you repeated a word
have have
contributed to the problem.
However
, as discussed above, there arc several initiatives which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to combat the issue of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewing and decreased physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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