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In many places, new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and do not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v.28

In many places, new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and do not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 28
Nowadays, it has been observed that a certain number of places which required new houses to accommodate the people, but the open space is only available the outside of the metro cities for building new homes. A lion’s share of masses ponders that it is must to protect the suburb instead of the conurbation. I agree with the central idea of statement and the following paragraphs would highlight my personal perspectives along with apt example. I see eye to eye with the statement idea and there are a number of aspects in favour of my point of view. The first compelling reason is that in the past few decades the population is dramatically increased and it is the need of the today to develop the countryside for accommodating the people of the country as a result cities have become overcrowded. Second compelling reason factor is the traffic snarl. In other words, congestions on the roads in the city is also increased slowly but steadily along with the population and this traffic effect on the quality of air which leads to spread rampant diseases in confined places as the wildfire. For instance, as per the recent news, in many abroad countries, governments are encouraging their citizens for moving to the suburb areas. It might be improved the life of quality, but reduce the count of plying vehicles in the streets as a consequently congestions are also reduced. Nevertheless, those people reckon that it is must to protect the open space in the vicinity of the city, they have owned their reasons and I respect the thinking of them. They believe that conurbation would be lead to scarcity of food and other daily necessities of life and I agree with them, but concurrently, I think that in this era, there are no enough open spaces left to accommodate the people, hence it is required to develop the outer side of the city at the moment and should develop the open place which is not suitable for growing the crops. Eventually, I would like to infer that to develop the countryside is the need of the hour due to unavailability of the enough open space inside the cities as I outlined above.
Nowadays, it has
been observed
that a certain number of places which required new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to accommodate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available the outside of the metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for building new homes. A lion’s share of masses ponders that it is
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
protect the suburb
instead
of the conurbation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of statement and the following paragraphs would highlight my personal perspectives along with apt example.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye with the statement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and there are a number of aspects in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my point of view. The
first
compelling reason is that in the past few decades the population is
dramatically
increased and it is the need of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the countryside for accommodating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the country
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have become overcrowded. Second compelling reason factor is the traffic snarl.
In other words
, congestions on the roads in the city is
also
increased
slowly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steadily
along with the population and this traffic effect on the quality of air which leads to spread rampant diseases in confined places as the wildfire.
For instance
, as per the recent news, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
abroad countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are encouraging their citizens for moving to the suburb areas. It might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the life of quality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the count of plying vehicles in the streets as a
consequently
congestions are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Nevertheless
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that it is
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
in the vicinity of the city, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
their reasons and I respect the thinking of them. They believe that conurbation would be lead to scarcity of food and other daily necessities of life and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
concurrently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in this era, there are no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to accommodate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
hence
it
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the outer side of the city at the moment and should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
place which is not suitable for growing the crops.

Eventually
, I would like to infer that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the countryside is the need of the hour due to unavailability of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
as I outlined above.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and do not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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