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Many parents feel that cell phones are harmful to children, while others do not. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Many parents feel that cell phones are harmful to children, while others do not. v. 1
Although a significant number of parents believe that mobile phones harm their offspring, others are against this point of view. In this essay, I will discuss both views, and I will show my support for the latter opinion. On the one hand, those who believe that cell phones are beneficial to their children argue that it made their children safer. This is because these gadgets made their children reachable wherever they can be. As a result, these youngsters can move freely while being contactable by their parents in any case of emergency. For example, research conducted by scientists at Cambridge University in 2019 declared that children who own cell phones are less likely to face emergencies without their families’ presence than their peers by 50%. Had it not been for this communication invention, these children would have been exposed to various dangers on their own. On the other hand, I believe that children’s cell phones can lead to a dysfunctional family. The reason for this is that these phones reduced the time these youngsters spend with their families. Consequently, these families would suffer from weakened bonds among its members despite how loving the parents can be. Conversely, if these children’s access to mobile phones was limited, they would enjoy the love of their parents. For instance, a paper published by pedagogical experts at the Egyptian ministry of education in 2019 revealed that youngsters who less use their cell phones are more expected to experience a delightful loving family experience. In conclusion, while a plethora of parents believe that mobile phones are advantageous to their children in terms of safety, I disagree with this because of the risk of dysfunctional families these gadgets can cause.
Although a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
harm their offspring, others are against this point of view. In this essay, I will discuss both views, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my support for the latter opinion.

On the one hand, those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are beneficial to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
argue that it made their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
safer. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these gadgets made their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reachable wherever they can be.
As a result
, these youngsters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
freely
while being contactable by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in any case of emergency.
For example
, research conducted by scientists at Cambridge University in 2019 declared that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are less likely to face emergencies without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families’
presence than their peers by 50%. Had it not been for this communication invention, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have
been exposed
to various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

On the other hand
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can lead to a dysfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
The reason for this is
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the time these youngsters spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
would suffer from weakened bonds among its members despite how loving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be.
Conversely
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
access to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
was limited
, they would enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, a paper published by pedagogical experts at the Egyptian ministry of education in 2019 revealed that youngsters who less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to experience a delightful loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
experience.

In conclusion
, while a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are advantageous to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of safety, I disagree with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of dysfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
these gadgets can cause.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents feel that cell phones are harmful to children, while others do not. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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