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Children from 7-11 now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem? v.2

Children from 7-11 now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem? v. 2
Early adolescents these days spent an alarming amount of their time on screen watching TV programs and playing games. In this essay, I will discuss the impact on the kids, their parents and the community, at large and suggest solutions to these impacts because of the increased viewing occasion. To start with, the higher the viewing time for the kids, more the problems it can cause. Firstly, with reduced physical activity, it can result in a sedentary lifestyle for them. For example, it is widely known that the kids in the modern generation are less healthy as compared to centuries ago. Secondly, because of lower social interactions in their early ages, the social skills they acquire in their adulthood would be meagre. Finally, with higher duration being spent playing games and watching television could addict them and alter their nervous system and cause problems in their brain. To exemplify, there have been instances where young men committed crimes needlessly to imitate what they have seen done by their role models in the programs. Thus, these are the major direct effects, when adolescents spent more time watching. However, there are many possible solutions to this issue. Not only the authorities need to provide rating for all the programs and games based on the age requirements, but also they would need to bring in effective laws to regulate the production of violent games and shows. For instance, it is an accepted matter that the kids in Scandinavia have become better and responsible citizens, as a result of regulating the content brought out by the production houses in the region. Additionally, the parents should control the amount of time their kids spend on the televisions. To conclude, although the increased screen viewing with kids can bring about a litany of issues, there are ways to resolve them effectively. Further, with advances in technology could result in even more increased viewing time.
Early adolescents these days spent an alarming amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on screen watching TV programs and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In this essay, I will discuss the impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, their parents and the community, at large and suggest solutions to these impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewing
occasion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, more the problems it can cause.
Firstly
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
physical activity, it can result in a sedentary lifestyle for them.
For example
, it is
widely
known that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in the modern generation are less healthy as compared to centuries ago.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lower social interactions in their early ages, the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they acquire in their adulthood would be
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
.
Finally
, with higher duration
being spent
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching television could addict them and alter their nervous system and cause problems in their brain. To exemplify, there have been instances where young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
committed crimes
needlessly
to imitate what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
done by their role models in the programs.
Thus
, these are the major direct effects, when adolescents spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible solutions to this issue. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the authorities need to provide rating for all the programs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
based on the age requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they would need to bring in effective laws to regulate the production of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
For instance
, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
matter that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in Scandinavia have become better and responsible citizens,
as a result
of regulating the content brought out by the production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the region.
Additionally
, the parents should control the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend on the televisions.

To conclude
, although the increased screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can bring about a litany of issues, there are ways to resolve them
effectively
.
Further
, with advances in technology could result in even more increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children from 7-11 now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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