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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 10
Who should be held responsible for raising the children in the community has become a controversial issue. While some individuals believe that parents should take responsibility to prepare their wards to be an active member of the social world, others think that it must be taught at schools. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth. I, however, opine that a balanced approach can bring positive results. On the one hand, a vast majority of individuals are in favour of the statement that parents must instills healthy habits in their young ones. This is so because the family is the first school of every child, and it is the place, from where an individual learns how to behave. Moreover, they also gain knowledge about the customs and traditions of the society. For instance, an infant spends most of his time with his mother, therefore she can shape his behaviour according to her own will. Thus, if she behaves in an aggressive manner, it will have impacts on the child as well. On the other hand, it is thought by many that is the onus of the school to teach excellent life skills to the students. It is well known that school goers spend maximum hours with their classmates and teachers, hence they get numerous opportunities of learning social skills. For example, when different extracurricular activities are organised in the premises of the school, they acquire qualities, such as team spirit, competitive habits, and many more. To recapitulate, educational institutions are also serving the purpose of teaching essential qualities to the pupils and making them better individual. To sum up, although our society is divided on the issue of development of children, some consider it as a duty of parents, whereas an enormous number of people opine school should develop citizens of the nation. But, I firmly believe that growth of the children is linked with parents as well as school.
Who should
be held
responsible for raising the children in the community has become a controversial issue. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take responsibility to prepare their wards to be an active member of the social world, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth. I,
however
, opine that a balanced approach can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results.

On the one hand, a vast majority of individuals are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'must' requires the base form of the verb: "instill"
instills
healthy habits in their young ones. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the family is the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of every child, and it is the place, from where an individual learns how to behave.
Moreover
, they
also
gain knowledge about the customs and traditions of the society.
For instance
, an infant spends most of his time with his mother,
therefore
she can shape his
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
according to her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will.
Thus
, if she behaves
Consider replacing "in an aggressive manner" with the adverb for "aggressive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an aggressive manner
, it will have impacts on the child
as well
.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that is
the onus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to teach excellent life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the students. It is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
goers spend maximum hours with their classmates and teachers,
hence
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
numerous opportunities of learning social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
extracurricular activities are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in the premises of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they acquire qualities, such as team spirit, competitive habits, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. To recapitulate, educational institutions are
also
serving the purpose of teaching essential qualities to the pupils and making them better individual.

To sum up, although our society
is divided
on the issue of development of children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider it as a duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, whereas an enormous number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should develop citizens of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
firmly
believe that growth of the children
is linked
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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