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In many places, new homes are needed, but only space is available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v.1

In many places, new homes are needed, but only space is available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
In recent times constructing new homes in cities has become extremely difficult due to limited space. Although there is an abundant space available in rural areas to build houses some people restrain to build homes there. I accord with this argument and in my opinion a practice like this would affect farming lands and destroy natural vegetation. Firstly, constructing residential buildings in the countryside is highly not acceptable because it will destroy farming lands. As most crops are grown in these areas building homes nearby or around these lands will generate huge pollution which will eventually destroy agricultural lands. For instance, a recent land survey shows that, there is a steep decline of 70% farming lands in the countryside due to rapid increase in the pollution from the nearby residential buildings. Therefore, many people are feared that they will lose their farming lands if the houses are constructed in their neighbourhood. Secondly, residential construction will also affect natural vegetation because it will cut down a lot of trees. Furthermore, cutting several trees will cause severe climatic changes and further it reduces rainfall. For example, a report shows deforestation is the primary reason for climatic changes like floods and extremely high temperatures in the summer. Thus, cutting down the trees for building homes will cause severe damage to the nature. To conclude, taking all these things into consideration, I'm convinced that despite of abundant space it is not recommended to build homes in the rural areas as it will affect the farming lands and destroy the natural vegetation.
In recent times constructing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in cities has become
extremely
difficult due to limited space.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
there is an abundant space available in rural areas to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
restrain to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
there. I accord with this argument and in my opinion a practice like this would affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destroy
natural vegetation.

Firstly
, constructing residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in the countryside is
highly
not acceptable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
. As most crops
are grown
in these areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
nearby or around these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
will generate huge pollution which will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destroy
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
.
For instance
, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, there is a steep decline of 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
in the countryside due to rapid increase in the pollution from the nearby residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are feared
that they will lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are constructed
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

Secondly
, residential construction will
also
affect natural vegetation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
trees.
Furthermore
, cutting several trees will cause severe climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and
further
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
rainfall.
For example
, a report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
deforestation is the primary reason for climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
like floods and
extremely
high temperatures in the summer.
Thus
, cutting down the trees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
will cause severe damage to the nature.

To conclude
, taking all these things into consideration, I'm convinced that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
abundant space it is not recommended to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in the rural areas as it will affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destroy
the natural vegetation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, new homes are needed, but only space is available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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