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children are studying with calculators and computers while some argue that they should more with books. Give your opinion v.1

children are studying with calculators and computers while some argue that they should more with books. Give your opinion v. 1
The approach of using new communication technologies such as mobile devices and others has risen notably in the last years, while some people believe that this trend brings drawbacks to society, I would argue that benefits are more important. On one hand, this breakthrough has given way to the creation of an overuse of social media and it is leading us to a sedentary lifestyle. In fact, most of our time is spent in the usage of cell phones, more specifically in applications like Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram among others, instead of doing outdoor activities. Because of this, the overall percentage of obesity over the world has increased considerably in advanced countries. In terms of social issues, as people rely too much on cell phones and tables, there would be a high chance of them losing the ability to effectively interact with each other in real life. Subsequently, the lack of ability to connect with peers is a common problem nowadays. However, those reasons mentioned above still cannot overshadow the advantages. Firstly, these are considered a powerful facilitator of communication. In fact, many developments in technology, such as the introduction of Smartphones, have empowered people to conveniently keep in touch with relatives and friends regardless of geographic adversities. Secondly, such modern achievement is a threshold of a new world where people are connected in a global network, letting us the use of a wider range of services as global localization in real time, video calls, and the possibility to drive our career ahead with multiple options of jobs and studies courses over the world. Indeed, it has changed and improved the way we live. By way of conclusion, I strongly believe that communication technologies have a positive impact and it has changed our lifestyle for the better.
The approach of using new communication technologies such as mobile devices
and others
has risen
notably
in the last years, while
some
people
believe that this trend brings drawbacks to society, I would argue that benefits are more
important
.

On one hand, this breakthrough has
given
way to the creation of an overuse of social media and it is leading us to a sedentary lifestyle. In fact, most of our time
is spent
in the usage of cell phones, more
specifically
in applications like Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram among others,
instead
of doing outdoor activities.
Because of this
, the
overall
percentage of obesity over the world has increased
considerably
in advanced countries. In terms of social issues, as
people
rely too much on cell phones and tables, there would be a high chance of them losing the ability to
effectively
interact with each other in real life.
Subsequently
, the lack of ability to connect with peers is a common problem nowadays.

However
, those reasons mentioned above
still
cannot overshadow the advantages.
Firstly
, these
are considered
a powerful facilitator of communication. In fact,
many
developments in technology, such as the introduction of Smartphones, have empowered
people
to
conveniently
keep
in touch with relatives and friends regardless of geographic adversities.

Secondly
, such modern achievement is a threshold of a new world where
people
are connected
in a global network, letting us the
use
of a wider range of services as global localization in real time, video calls, and the possibility to drive our career ahead with multiple options of jobs and studies courses over the world.
Indeed
, it has
changed
and
improved
the way we
live
.

By way of conclusion, I
strongly
believe that communication technologies have a
positive
impact and it has
changed
our lifestyle for the better.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay children are studying with calculators and computers while some argue that they should more with books. Give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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