Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1, 000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. (Adapted from https: //www. dailymail. co. uk/news/article-4532266/75-cent-children-want-…) It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1, 000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. (Adapted from https: //www. dailymail. co. uk/news/article-4532266/75-cent-children-want-…) It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. v. 2
According to the results of a recent survey, becoming a successful YouTuber or a blogger is the dream of a large number of young people, especially children aged 6 to 17. It is often argued that a career in online videos is such a threatening career orientation for their children; however, I completely disagree with this opinion, and I will discuss some compelling reasons in this essay. To begin with, it cannot be repudiated that becoming a YouTube sensation is such a valuable opportunity for the self- fulfilment of the children. This means they can develop their own skills. For example, they can improve their time-management skill because they have to be able to upload at least two or three videos per week to meet the deadline, which requires a sense of self-control. Besides, this career also helps younger to master communication skills, so they can not only produce more quality videos but also draw public attention. Another obvious positive aspect of this idea is that this also helps children have better career opportunities in the future. This viewpoint is put forward because employers seem to be impressed by candidates who have succeeded in a certain field, and having a YouTube channel with thousands of subscribers are among the great advantages of recruitment. In addition, if students can achieve their own achievements in this field, it will be a huge plus to apply for scholarships at prestigious universities. In conclusion, I believe that this is a legitimate job and it should get support from family and society.
According to the results of a recent survey, becoming a successful YouTuber or a blogger is the dream of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged 6 to 17. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in online videos is such a threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
orientation for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
however
, I completely disagree with this opinion, and I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling reasons in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it cannot
be repudiated
that becoming a YouTube sensation is such a valuable opportunity for the self-
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This means they can develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be able to upload at least two or three videos per week to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadline, which requires a sense of self-control.
Besides
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
younger to master communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
produce more quality videos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
draw public attention.

Another obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunities in the future. This viewpoint
is put
forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employers seem to
be impressed
by candidates who have succeeded in a certain field, and having a YouTube channel with thousands of subscribers are among the great advantages of recruitment.
In addition
, if students can achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
achievements in this field, it will be a huge plus to apply for scholarships at prestigious universities.

In conclusion
, I believe that this is a legitimate job and it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from family and society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1, 000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. (Adapted from https: //www. dailymail. co. uk/news/article-4532266/75-cent-children-want-…) It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts