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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.17

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 17
It has utterly been claimed that in today’s world various more burdens are faced from commercial, academic and social perspective by immature individuals. The objective of this essay is to investigate the factors which have contributed to this issue and also point out a number of means to resolve the situation. There are certain reasons why children face various burdens in terms of academic perspective is because obtain well salary job. To be more specific, parent may put strength on their children about their examination and syllabus since unemployment rate is soaring on a regular basis; therefore, they should be more likely to work hard their lessons so as to find a decent job in the future. Furthermore, children can be affected peer pressure. This is because, they allocate most of their time at school with peers, as a result of which they can easily adequate several detrimental habits such as drug and smoking. However, there are a variety of viable solutions at hand to address this problem. In order to deal with the problem of child's stress, certain measures should be taken both governments and parents. First and foremost, parents should create physically and mentally surroundings for strike a balance between learning and resting, which can decline stress of children. Moreover, authorities should educate children for peer strain. That is to say, if the government gives information properly about detrimental influences of peer pressure, it can be dramatically dipped uses of drug and smoking in early age. By way of conclusion, adolescents are meeting more tension at present. Elaborate precautions need to be taken to prevent this problem deteriorating further.
It has
utterly
been claimed
that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world various more burdens
are faced
from commercial, academic and social perspective by immature individuals. The objective of this essay is to investigate the factors which have contributed to this issue and
also
point out a number of means to resolve the situation.

There are certain reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face various burdens in terms of academic perspective is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
obtain well salary job. To be more specific, parent may put strength on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about their examination and syllabus since unemployment rate is soaring on a regular basis;
therefore
, they should be more likely to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
their lessons
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
find a decent job in the future.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they allocate most of their time at school with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
,
as a result
of which they can
easily
adequate several detrimental habits such as drug and smoking.

However
, there are a variety of viable solutions at hand to address this problem. In order to deal with the problem of child's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, certain measures should
be taken
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and parents.
First
and foremost, parents should create
physically
and mentally surroundings for strike a balance between learning and resting, which can decline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, authorities should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
strain.
That is
to say, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives information
properly
about detrimental influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure, it can be
dramatically
dipped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of drug and smoking in early age.

By way of conclusion, adolescents are meeting more tension at present. Elaborate precautions need to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem deteriorating
further
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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