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Children are facing more pressures from academic, social and commercial sources. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce it? v.1

Children are facing more pressures from academic, social and commercial sources. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce it? v. 1
Nobody could deny that, in the 21st Century, an enormous amount of stress is exerted on youngsters through educational and socio-economic channels. This is mainly caused by the competition for grades and peers. This issue could be mitigated by improving education methods, as well as by educating parents. Today’s youth is influenced negatively by educational institutes and their social circles. Whilst in the classroom, students are forced to study for longer hours, learn lessons by heart and subjected to hefty competition, which has no apparent fruitful purpose rather than just to bring high grades, demanded by teachers and parents alike. This, in turn, causes depression in the immature minds. Peer pressure, in the same pattern, puts a variety of social tensions to those who are in the circle. Such young minds are often stigmatised by their peers if they are not willing to participate in the activities and are not admired by their social allies. This accumulated pressure is often exacerbated by the social media. To address this issue, schools need to focus on the development of new teaching methods and promote innovative learning techniques, which will inculcate creativity in children. Such practice will not only improve performance grade-wise, but also their mental health. Similarly, parents ought to be encouraged through meetings and awareness campaigns to not to force their offspring for choosing irrelevant subjects at primary level and push them to achieve higher marks in the examinations. Instead, they should be given an open choice according to their likings. Thus, the detrimental effects exerted by such a negative environment could be easily alleviated by adopting these strategies. In conclusion, although negative forces influencing children are usually caused by the lack of proper educational methods and peer-oriented stigma, nonetheless, these can be easily curbed by redesigning the teaching culture and educating parents.
Nobody could deny that, in the 21st Century, an enormous amount of
stress
is exerted
on youngsters through educational and
socio-economic
channels. This is
mainly
caused by the competition for grades and peers. This issue could
be mitigated
by improving education methods,
as well
as by educating parents.

Today
’s youth
is influenced
negatively
by educational institutes and their
social
circles. Whilst in the classroom, students
are forced
to study for longer hours, learn lessons by heart and subjected to hefty competition, which has no apparent fruitful purpose
rather
than
just
to bring high grades, demanded by teachers and parents alike. This, in turn, causes depression in the immature minds. Peer pressure, in the same pattern, puts a variety of
social
tensions to those who are in the circle. Such young minds are
often
stigmatised
by their peers if they are not willing to participate in the activities and are not admired by their
social
allies. This accumulated pressure is
often
exacerbated by the
social
media.

To address this issue, schools need to focus on the development of new teaching methods and promote innovative learning techniques, which will inculcate creativity in children. Such practice will not
only
improve
performance grade-wise,
but
also
their mental health.
Similarly
, parents ought to
be encouraged
through meetings and awareness campaigns
to not to
force their offspring for choosing irrelevant subjects at primary level and push them to achieve higher marks in the examinations.
Instead
, they should be
given
an open choice according to their
likings
.
Thus
, the detrimental effects exerted by such a
negative
environment could be
easily
alleviated by adopting these strategies.

In conclusion
, although
negative
forces influencing children are
usually
caused by the lack of proper educational methods and peer-oriented stigma, nonetheless, these can be
easily
curbed by redesigning the teaching culture and educating parents.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures from academic, social and commercial sources. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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