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children are addicted to smart phones. what is causes and solutions? v.1

children are addicted to smart phones. what is causes and solutions? v. 1
These days, the issue of children being highly engaged in playing smart devices is receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this concern can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, some feasible solution should be taken into account to address this problem. There are several causes to explain why children are playing more on smartphones now. First, mobile apps are very entertaining, with sound and visual effects, and that arouses children’s curiosity. In fact, mobile games are specially designed to hold a child’s attention with fast actions and bright vivid colours, which are usually children’s eye-catchy. Besides, with all the different tons of apps, children can find them to play at any time all day easily. Second, because parents are working long hours to maintain a good standard of living, kids are left to have relaxation by themselves. Since it is dangerous to let children play outside unsupervised, they don’t have any chance to play sports but just rely on smartphones. Anyway, there are some potential solutions to address the problem of over playing with mobile devices of children. First, in order to change these children’s habits, some physical activities such as team building, camping or playing sports needs to be promoted and be more available to them. This encourages them to join in outdoor active entertainment activities instead of staying all day in front of screens. Second, by spending more time of interacting with children, parents can break a screen habit in kids. In fact, some activities like reading books, playing games or riding bikes along with children are really helping, which triggers another interest in children and make them forget mobile devices. In conclusion, although there are many reasons that caused children to stick to screens, some viable solutions are available to mitigate the problem.
These days, the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being
highly
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
smart devices is receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this concern can
be attributed
to a whole host of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solution should
be taken
into account to address this problem.

There are several causes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
more on smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
First
, mobile apps are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining, with sound and visual effects, and that arouses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
curiosity. In fact, mobile games are
specially
designed to hold a child’s attention with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
actions and bright vivid
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, which are
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
eye-catchy.
Besides
, with all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tons of apps,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can find them to play at any time all day
easily
. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents are working long hours to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of living, kids are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to have relaxation by themselves. Since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play outside unsupervised, they don’t have any chance to play sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rely on smartphones.

Anyway, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential solutions to address the problem of over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with mobile devices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities such as team building, camping or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports needs to
be promoted
and be more available to them. This encourages them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in outdoor active entertainment activities
instead
of staying all day in front of screens. Second, by spending more time of interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, parents can break a screen habit in kids. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like reading books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games or riding bikes along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
really
helping, which triggers another interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them forget mobile devices.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stick to screens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable solutions are available to mitigate the problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay children are addicted to smart phones. what is causes and solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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