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Some people think the purpose of education is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. Others think the purpose of education should lead to self-fulfillment. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people think the purpose of education is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. Others think the purpose of education should lead to self-fulfillment. What is your opinion? v. 1
The controversial topic concerning education never fails to attract public attention. There has been a heated debate on whether the purpose of learning is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. As far as I am concerned, I tend to be an advocate regarding this issue. In this essay we will discuss different parameters about the purpose of education. It is reasonable for me to believe that educational institutions are the forerunners of knowledge, and we can gain useful skills through education. Firstly, individuals can learn various knowledge in schools and universities. For example, postgraduate students can learn data analysis and computer science on campus, and after that, they are more likely to find a desirable job when they enter the workforce. Moreover, schools are the place not only teach knowledge but also improve students' moral codes, making them be good members of society. However, there is a common belief that the purpose of learning can lead to self-fulfilment. First and foremost, reading enables ambiguous individuals to achieve their life goals and career achievement. For instance, students who graduate from the Ivy league can find employment on Wall Street easily, giving them a good starting point and excellent interpersonal resources. Therefore, they have a greater possibility to enjoy a successful life and fulfil themselves. To sum up, I am more incline with the idea that the purpose of study is to prepare for the future workforce and make good members of society, even though education can also help individuals fulfil their dream.
The controversial topic concerning education never fails to attract public attention. There has been a heated debate on whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of learning is to prepare the future workforce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society. As far as I
am concerned
, I tend to be an advocate regarding this issue. In this essay we will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parameters about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of education.

It is reasonable for me to believe that educational institutions are the forerunners of knowledge, and we can gain useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through education.
Firstly
, individuals can learn various knowledge in schools and universities.
For example
, postgraduate students can learn data analysis and computer science on campus, and after that, they are more likely to find a desirable job when they enter the workforce.
Moreover
, schools are the place not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
students' moral codes, making them be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society.

However
, there is a common belief that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of learning can lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-fulfilment
.
First
and foremost, reading enables ambiguous individuals to achieve their life goals and career achievement.
For instance
, students who graduate from the Ivy league can find employment on Wall Street
easily
, giving them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
starting point and excellent interpersonal resources.
Therefore
, they have a greater possibility to enjoy a successful life and fulfil themselves.

To sum up, I am more incline with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of study is to prepare for the future workforce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society,
even though
education can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals fulfil their dream.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the purpose of education is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. Others think the purpose of education should lead to self-fulfillment. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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