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Children education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all the costs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.1

Children education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all the costs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
In the recent decades, the question of whether the government should pay for children has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this assistance is not without the disadvantages, the upsides will be far more significant. On the one hand, there are a number of drawbacks of this sponsorship. First, since sustainable development of a country requires to have many investments in different fields, paying all cost for education of children can put more burden on the national budget. In fact, the government need to allocate funds for many key areas, such as the health care system and infrastructures, which means that every citizen should shoulder the responsibility to pay their children’s tuition and fee. Second, by supporting the cost of education for children from national treasure, the authorities could create unfairness to childless people. This means that they may feel angry or irritated if knowing that their taxes are not spent on their benefits. On the other hand, there are some advantages when education costs of children are backing up by government. First, in order to prepare for labour forces in the future, a country should invest more in education especially for the very young ages. This means that children who have strong education will become qualified employees later, which helps national economics develop by levelling productivity. Second, if the government supports children’s education, every child will have the chance to go to school and gain knowledge. Therefore, illiteracy and social crimes will be diminished, which bring the prosperity to the country. In conclusion, although the sponsorship for education of kids is not without disadvantage, the benefit was far more justified.
In the recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this assistance is not without the disadvantages, the upsides will be far more significant.

On the one hand, there are a number of drawbacks of this sponsorship.
First
, since sustainable development of a country requires to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields, paying all cost for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can put more burden on the national budget. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
need to allocate funds for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
key areas, such as the health care system and infrastructures, which means that every citizen should shoulder the responsibility to pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
tuition and fee. Second, by supporting the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from national treasure, the authorities could create unfairness to childless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This means that they may feel angry or irritated if knowing that their taxes are not spent on their benefits.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are backing up by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
First
, in order to prepare for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
forces in the future, a country should invest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
especially
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young ages. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will become qualified employees later, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
national economics develop by levelling productivity. Second, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, every child will have the chance to go to school and gain knowledge.
Therefore
, illiteracy and social crimes will
be diminished
, which bring the prosperity to the country.

In conclusion
, although the sponsorship for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of kids is not without disadvantage, the benefit was far more justified.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all the costs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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