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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries What are the causes of this What solutions can be offered v.2

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries What are the causes of this What solutions can be offered v. 2
In recent years, child obesity has increasingly become a popular issue in many nations. This essay will look at some primary causes of this and offer some possible solutions to the problem. There are a number of the rising levels of childhood obesity. The first reason is unhealthy eating habits. Children nowadays tend to consume too much fast food, candy and sugary drinks instead of eating healthy food in daily meals. These foods can cause kids to gain weight quickly as they are very high in fat and sugar but low in vitamins and minerals. Another reason for the growing rate of childhood obesity is sedentary lifestyles. Children give preference to watching TV, surfing the internet or playing computer games rather than playing sports. As a consequence, they are becoming increasingly obese. There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above. Firstly, it is important for parents to control what their children eat to make sure that they have a healthy diet. Parents should also educate them about detrimental effects of an imbalance diet so that they can make more healthy food choices. Secondly, unhealthy junk food should be banned from school menus and fast food advertising should be limited. Finally, it is necessary for parents to restrict the time their children spend on sedentary activities and encourage them to take regular exercise. Physical activity and exercise would help them control their weight by burning excess calories that otherwise would be stored as fat. In conclusion, there are various factors leading to the increase in child obesity and measured should be implemented to tackle this issue.
In recent years, child obesity has
increasingly
become a popular issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. This essay will look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
primary causes of this and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to the problem.

There are a number of the rising levels of childhood obesity. The
first
reason is unhealthy eating habits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays tend to consume too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, candy and sugary drinks
instead
of eating healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in daily meals. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can cause kids to gain weight
quickly
as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
low in vitamins and minerals. Another reason for the growing rate of childhood obesity is sedentary lifestyles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
give preference to watching TV, surfing the internet or playing computer games
rather
than playing sports. As a consequence, they are becoming
increasingly
obese.

There are several actions that could
be taken
to mitigate the problem mentioned above.
Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for parents to control what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they have a healthy diet. Parents should
also
educate them about detrimental effects of an imbalance diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices.
Secondly
, unhealthy junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be banned
from school menus and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising should
be limited
.
Finally
, it is necessary for parents to restrict the time their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on sedentary activities and encourage them to take regular exercise. Physical activity and exercise would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them control their weight by burning excess calories that
otherwise
would
be stored
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

In conclusion
, there are various factors leading to the increase in child obesity and measured should
be implemented
to tackle this issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries What are the causes of this What solutions can be offered v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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