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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor that their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.2

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor that their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. v. 2
Childhood obesity has become a cause of concern in Australia to an extent that two third of the children are obese. This essay will discuss why I completely disagree that schools should take measures to what their pupils eat. Firstly, one of the disagreements is that educational centres are for studying not for eating and exercises. Teachers are expected to teach and educate their pupils on new skills that will be useful when they graduate. Secondly, it is the responsibility of parents to cook their wards meal. This, to an extent will serve as a grantee to what a child consume and may not have negative effect on their body system because it is a home made dish. For instance, in a recent interview of a model, who has won several awards, explained to the interviewer how she strictly eats home made food and how her parents ensured herself and her siblings wakes up as early as 5: 00am on a daily basis for some indoor and outdoor exercises before preparing for school. Parents needs to take ownership in monitoring what their kids eat. On the other hand, an agreement is that the number of hours spent in schools are more than the time spent at home. This could be an oversite for parents to ignore their responsibilities and leave it for school teachers that is more concern with the child's studies and less concern with a child consume provide the kid is fine. For example, my sister that is a secondary school teacher, cares more on impacting her students with knowledge rather than controlling what her pupils eat. This for sure will be useful in the life of a child in the future either by getting a good job or becoming a successful busines person. In conclusion, it was discussed that a school is for learning while, a home is for monitoring, caring about what a child eats and all workouts that is required to be done. In my opinion, I absolutely disagree that schools should have control of a child's diet.
Childhood obesity has become a cause of concern in Australia to an extent that two third of the children are obese. This essay will discuss why I completely disagree that
schools
should take measures to what their pupils eat.

Firstly
, one of the disagreements is that educational
centres
are for studying not for eating and exercises. Teachers are
expected
to teach and educate their pupils on new
skills
that will be useful when they graduate.
Secondly
, it is the responsibility of
parents
to cook their wards meal. This, to an extent will serve as a grantee to what a
child
consume and may not have
negative
effect on their body system
because
it is a home made dish.
For instance
, in a recent interview of a model, who has won several awards,
explained
to the interviewer how she
strictly
eats home made food and how her
parents
ensured herself and her siblings wakes up as early as 5: 00am on a daily basis for
some
indoor and outdoor exercises
before
preparing for
school
.
Parents needs
to take ownership in monitoring what their kids eat.

On the other hand
, an agreement is that the number of hours spent in
schools
are more than the time spent at home. This could be an
oversite
for
parents
to
ignore
their responsibilities and
leave
it for
school
teachers
that is
more concern with the child's studies and less concern with a
child
consume provide the kid is fine.
For example
, my sister
that is
a secondary
school
teacher, cares more on impacting her students with knowledge
rather
than controlling what her pupils eat. This for sure will be useful in the life of a
child
in the future either by getting a
good
job or becoming a successful
busines
person.

In conclusion
, it
was discussed
that a
school
is for learning while, a home is for monitoring, caring about what a
child
eats and all workouts that
is required
to
be done
. In my opinion, I
absolutely
disagree that
schools
should have control of a child's diet.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor that their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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