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Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree v.1

Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. v. 1
It is argued that following training programs regarding proper parenting should be made compulsory to all parents. However, I personally disagree with this notion completely because the most mothers and fathers already have an essential skills and knowledge regarding child care and simply they don’t have time to attend those. To begin with, nowadays parents are already equipped with necessary information regarding parenting. In fact, there are colossal number of ways such as media, internet, magazines from which they can gather enough knowledge regarding the way they should interact with their offsprings and even they are able to clarify their practical problems. Hence, there is no necessity to implement mandatory child care training. For an example, a survey done in the UK has revealed that the majority of young individuals aquire vital information with respect to the parenting through online and media prior to the marriage and have children. Furthermore, people hardly find any time to participate child care training programs due to their busy life style at present. This is because most of the time both parents go for work during day time and they have multiple other activities such as shopping, cleaning, cooking to be completed during rest of their time. Hence, they are not in a position to find extra time period for attending such lessons. For an instance, the average day time work shift in Sri Lanka is approximately 8-10 hours and most of the time, in a family, both parents are employed. In conclusion, child care training should not be mandatory to all parents and rather it can be optional. This is because frequently mothers and fathers can gain the necessary information regarding parenting through various other methods conveniently and they do not have a time to attend those in their busy life shedules.
It
is argued
that following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
programs regarding proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
should
be made
compulsory to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, I
personally
disagree with this notion completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the most mothers and fathers already have an essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
simply
they don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to attend those.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are already equipped with necessary information regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
. In fact, there are colossal number of ways such as media, internet, magazines from which they can gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge regarding the way they should interact with their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
and even they are able to clarify their practical problems.
Hence
, there is no necessity to implement mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. For an example, a survey done in the UK has revealed that the majority of young individuals
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquire
vital information with respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
through online and media prior to the marriage and have children.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hardly find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
programs due to their busy life style at present. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
go for work during day
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they have multiple other activities such as shopping, cleaning, cooking to
be completed
during rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Hence
, they are not in a position to find extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period for attending such lessons. For an instance, the average day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work shift in Sri Lanka is approximately 8-10 hours and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in a family, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are employed
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
should not be mandatory to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
rather
it can be optional. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
frequently
mothers and fathers can gain the necessary information regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
through various other methods
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
conveniently and
they do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to attend those in their busy life
Possible spelling mistake found.
shedules
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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