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Charities and organizations always give special names to particular days such as 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day'. What are the reasons for these particular days? How effective are they? v.2

Charities and organizations always give special names to particular days such as 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day'. What are the reasons for these particular days? How effective are they? v. 2
Nowadays, people express great concern about the increase of the special days, like 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day', which were named by non – profit organizations. Some explanations for this social trend will be put forward, before an analysis of its impacts on society life is given. The following grounds, in line with my perception and understanding, mainly account for why charitable organizations give the particular day’s new names. To start with, the naming of these days is primarily aimed at national important events, global alarming issues or vulnerable people in society, such as the elderly, children and women. Hence, this could be considered important occasions for people to celebrate anniversaries or express love and respect for those who deserve to receive more care from the whole community. Besides, in terms of social issues, this also is a precious opportunity for such organizations to create a worldwide recognition about these problems, attracting the public’s attention by demonstrating their effects on human beings. Admittedly, some citizens insist that it is not necessary to give a host of days new names for the charitable organizations’ promotion of public welfare because it can cause confusion for the masses. However, the fact supports that naming special days plays a pivotal role in the propagation of charities. As mentioned above, by setting up recognition in the global community, this would raise people’s awareness of social problems, such as environment pollution, violence against women and children, or the harm of smoking as well. Hence, it is not only an effective way to reduce detrimental effects in countries, but it also helps people to raise the sense of responsibility to the community. In conclusion, the way charities and organization giving the names of particular days is necessary that could bring about a lot of benefits for countries and society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
express great concern about the increase of the special days, like 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day', which
were named
by
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "non-profit".
non – profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
explanations for this social trend will
be put
forward,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
an analysis of its impacts on society life is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

The following grounds, in line with my perception and understanding,
mainly
account for why charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
give the particular day’s new names. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the naming of these days is
primarily
aimed at national
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, global alarming issues or vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society, such as the elderly, children and women.
Hence
, this could
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occasions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to celebrate anniversaries or express
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect for those who deserve to receive more care from the whole community.
Besides
, in terms of social issues, this
also
is a precious opportunity for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
to create a worldwide recognition about these problems, attracting the public’s attention by demonstrating their effects on human beings.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens insist that it is not necessary to give a host of days new names for the charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations’
promotion of public welfare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can cause confusion for the masses.
However
, the fact supports that naming special days plays a pivotal role in the propagation of charities. As mentioned above, by setting up recognition in the global community, this would raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of social problems, such as environment pollution, violence against women and children, or the harm of smoking
as well
.
Hence
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
detrimental effects in countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to raise the sense of responsibility to the community.

In conclusion
, the way charities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
giving the names of particular days is necessary that could bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for countries and society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Charities and organizations always give special names to particular days such as 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day'. What are the reasons for these particular days? How effective are they? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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