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Certain personal qualities cannot be achieved through university studies. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.3

Certain personal qualities cannot be achieved through university studies. Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 3
No doubt, having a certain personal qualities play a significant role in the human’s life in this contemporary world. However, it has become an issue of debate that deriving these qualities are not feasible with the help of university education but I fully disagree with the above statement. Further, the several view points are to be analyzed in upcoming paragraphs. Points To begin with, commencing university education directly links to this achievement of several personal qualities such as understanding, intelligence, determination, self awareness, sincerity, curiosity and so on as having commenced study in the university, the teaching methods of qualified lecturers make the students enable to understand deeply. Besides this, as we know that the entire world has become multicultural and the migration from one country to another country has also increased significantly. Therefore, the environment of study in the university has involved with the multiculturalism. Thus, these two major factors enhance the ability of understanding amongst them. To commence with, it creates an eagerness in the students to learn more in their life and they try to find more and more knowledge to brush up the skills. Along with this curiosity, the intelligence that is considered most of the precious personal quality comes in the students due to their dedications. In conclusion, given the significance of university study, it can never be termed negative in order to attain personal qualities.
No doubt, having a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "quality"?
qualities
play a significant role in the human’s life in this contemporary world.
However
, it has become an issue of debate that deriving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
are not feasible with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
fully
disagree with the above statement.
Further
, the several view points are to
be analyzed
in upcoming paragraphs.

Points

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
directly
links to this achievement of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
such as understanding, intelligence, determination, self awareness, sincerity, curiosity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on as having commenced study in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the teaching methods of qualified lecturers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the students enable to understand
deeply
.
Besides
this, as we know that the entire world has become multicultural and the migration from one country to another country has
also
increased
significantly
.
Therefore
, the environment of study in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has involved with the multiculturalism.
Thus
, these two major factors enhance the ability of understanding amongst them.

To commence with, it creates an eagerness in the students to learn more in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they try to find more and more knowledge to brush up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Along with this curiosity, the intelligence that
is considered
most of the precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in the students due to their dedications.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
study, it can never
be termed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
in order to attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Certain personal qualities cannot be achieved through university studies. Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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