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Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. with this opinion? v. 1
Famous personalities prefer to get attention from public by remaining in news on big screen. It is commonly perceived that they do not have privilege to withhold media from sharing their personal life on programs. I totally disagree with this statement as it might negatively impact on their viewers. On one hand, it is argued that celebrities have no choice rather than their life being shared to their followers. People are more interested to know about their social activities as they believe them to be their role model. They are keen to get aware how they balance their life on screen and after that so they can follow it. For example, public follow the Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty who practice yoga exercises along with healthy nourished diet to remain fit in routine. Hence, breach of privacy is directly associated with the fame. On the other hand, it is also believed that stars have wish to avoid media from showcasing their family life on television. They think that it would have hazardous effect on their fans if they start appreciating each and every aspect of their personal life. For instance, once youth started believing and misinterpreting that one should refrain himself from getting married in order to become famous like the actor Salman Khan because, it will distract them from their aim to become a film star. Thus, well-known people should have authority to keep media away from intervening into their privacy. In conclusion, it is thought that celebrities love to be in discussion which can be linked with the violation of their privacy and they have no wish to raise voice against it. I completely disagree that superstars have right to argue against media if they are forced to depict their social life on talk shows as this can be dangerous for the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
personalities prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention from public by remaining in news on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen. It is
commonly
perceived that they do not have privilege to withhold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from sharing their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on programs. I
totally
disagree with this statement as it might
negatively
impact on their viewers.

On one hand, it
is argued
that celebrities have no choice
rather
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
being shared
to their followers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are more interested to know about their social activities as they believe them to be their role model. They are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware how they balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on screen and after that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can follow it.
For example
, public follow the Bollywood star
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shilpa
Shetty who practice yoga exercises along with healthy nourished diet to remain fit in routine.
Hence
, breach of privacy is
directly
associated with the fame.

On the other hand
, it is
also
believed that stars have wish to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from showcasing their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on television. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would have hazardous effect on their fans if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
appreciating each and every aspect of their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, once youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
believing and misinterpreting that one should refrain himself from getting married in order to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
like the actor Salman Khan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it will distract them from their aim to become a film star.
Thus
, well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should have authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
away from intervening into their privacy.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to be in discussion which can
be linked
with the violation of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
privacy and
they have no wish to raise voice against it. I completely disagree that superstars have right to argue against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
if they
are forced
to depict their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
as this can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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