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Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past 30 years in the world that many cities now are "one big traffic jam". Do you think that this statement is true? What measure can government take to address this problem? (rewrite1) v.4

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past 30 years in the world that many cities now are "one big traffic jam". Do you think that this statement is true? What measure can government take to address this problem? (rewrite1) v. 4
Since the dawn of industrial revolution, cars played important role in each society. Nowadays, many are adamant that a myriad elements should be taken into consideration to examine its constructive and destructive facets of this issues. Some people may hold the view that they are milestone of humanity and should not be forbidden to use it. Others take an opposite view and consider that it is fallacy. From my vantage point, I concur with the latter group and believe that vehicles such as car, motorcycle, bus is big danger for the future of our planet and using alternatives of cars should be encourage. The First exquisite point to be mentioned is that government can set up new tax policies which is a huge obstacle on electricity cars or increase current ones to encourage using nature friend vehicles. In fact, If nature friends cars would not be expensive, people prefer to buy them since money has more weight than others. A vivid example which can be given to shed on light to the subject is decreasing tax rates. According to the last research about electricity car shows that individuals especially who have high educate level are willing to buy electricity cars but the cost of it is main obstacle. That is, the sound of buying them is not appeal to educated people. Government should encourage using new cars by lowering taxes or adding only park space place. In approaching this issue, apart from what mentioned above, there is a subtle point which must be borne in mind. Bicycles are one of most popular transportation among the young and Its importance has skyrocketed compared to the last decades. The young can find an opportunity to make sport due to heavy workload. They can ride bicycles to office and cut cost of transportation. Moreover, Government can reduce traffic by encouraging more office birds to ride to office. Consequently, using bicycles on the one hand helps government by creating more park space and encouraging less car, on the other hand, cut individuals costs. Although, the aforementioned reasons are the first ones which cross the mind at first glance, there are by no means the only reasons available. A noteworthy refreshingly intelligible statistic revels by a resent research conducted in MIT showed that educated people tend to less drive car since its destructive effect. The research study has conducted between the young people from the same age group in the eleven city in the country. It shows the necessity of increasing education level in order to decrease car using. In the final analysis, according to what I mentioned body paragraphs above, one cannot deny the fact that the aforementioned topic is a controversial matter of discussion which must be elaborately addressed in order to precisely examine. However, there is authentic evidence which can lead us to this conclusion that countries can reduce car using by tax policies, education, nature friend vehicles.
Since the dawn of industrial revolution,
cars
played
important
role in each society. Nowadays,
many
are adamant that a myriad
elements
should
be taken
into consideration to examine its constructive and destructive facets of
this
issues.
Some
people
may hold the view that they are milestone of humanity and should not
be forbidden
to
use
it. Others take an opposite view and consider that it is fallacy. From my vantage point, I concur with the latter group and believe that vehicles such as
car
, motorcycle, bus is
big
danger
for the future of our planet and using alternatives of
cars
should be
encourage
.

The
First
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that
government
can set up new
tax
policies which is a huge obstacle on electricity
cars
or increase
current
ones
to encourage using nature friend vehicles. In fact, If nature friends
cars
would not be expensive,
people
prefer to
buy
them since money has more weight than others. A vivid example which can be
given
to shed on light to the subject is decreasing
tax
rates. According to the last research about electricity
car
shows
that individuals
especially
who have high educate level are willing to
buy
electricity
cars
but
the cost of it
is main
obstacle.
That is
, the sound of buying them is not appeal to educated
people
.
Government
should encourage using new
cars
by lowering
taxes
or adding
only
park space place.

In approaching this issue, apart from what mentioned above, there is a subtle point which
must
be borne
in mind. Bicycles are one of most popular transportation among the young and Its importance has skyrocketed compared to the last decades. The young can find an opportunity to
make
sport due to heavy workload. They can ride bicycles to office and
cut
cost of transportation.
Moreover
,
Government
can
reduce
traffic by encouraging more office birds to ride to office.
Consequently
, using bicycles on the one hand
helps
government
by creating more park space and encouraging less
car
,
on the other hand
,
cut
individuals costs.

Although, the aforementioned reasons are the
first
ones
which cross the mind at
first
glance, there are by no means the
only
reasons available. A noteworthy
refreshingly
intelligible statistic revels by a resent research conducted in MIT
showed
that educated
people
tend to less drive
car
since its destructive effect. The research study has conducted between the young
people
from the same age group in the eleven city in the country. It
shows
the necessity of increasing education level in order to decrease
car
using.

In the final analysis, according to what I mentioned body paragraphs above, one cannot deny the fact that the aforementioned topic is a controversial matter of discussion which
must
be
elaborately
addressed in order to
precisely
examine.
However
, there is authentic evidence which can lead us to this conclusion that countries can
reduce
car
using by
tax
policies, education, nature friend vehicles.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past 30 years in the world that many cities now are "one big traffic jam". Do you think that this statement is true? What measure can government take to address this problem? (rewrite1) v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
486 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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