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Some people say the amount of time watching TV affects children’s behavior the most while others say that what they watch matters more. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say the amount of time watching TV affects children’s behavior the most while others say that what they watch matters more. v. 2
Supervising children on watching TV has always been a controversial issue. Some people argue that the amount on time is what affects behavior the most of children while other people argue that the contents are what affects children the most. First of all, it is true that the amount of time can impact on children’s behavior. Watching television for too long can negatively affect children. This can lead children to develop a bad habit of leaving TV on all the time when they are eating or doing homework. This can hinder children from concentrating other factors that are important in their life. This, the amount spent on watching television should be strictly monitored by their caregivers. Nevertheless, I believe it is the contents of the television that affects the children the most. It is because children often cannot tell the difference between the reality and the fantasy shown on television. The news about a kid jumping off a building or a tree thinking he has a supernatural ability to fly proves this. Also, many researches have proven that children who watched violent contents developed more violent disposition and personality than children who did not watch them. Therefore, caregiver’s supervision about what children watch is very important. In conclusion, I believe that what children view influences the behavior of children more than how long children watch TV. However, the time spent on watching TV also has impact on their behavior so both aspects needed to be supervised by their parents.
Supervising
children
on watching TV has always been a controversial issue.
Some
people
argue that the amount on
time
is what
affects
behavior
the most of
children
while other
people
argue that the contents are what
affects
children
the most.

First of all
, it is true that the amount of
time
can impact on
children’s
behavior
. Watching
television
for too long can
negatively
affect
children
. This can lead
children
to develop a
bad
habit of leaving TV on all the
time
when they are eating or doing homework. This can hinder
children
from concentrating other factors that are
important
in their life.
This
, the amount spent on watching
television
should be
strictly
monitored by their caregivers.

Nevertheless
, I believe it is the contents of the
television
that
affects
the
children
the most. It is
because
children
often
cannot
tell
the difference between the reality and the fantasy shown on
television
. The news about a kid jumping off a building or a tree thinking he has a supernatural ability to
fly
proves this.
Also
,
many
researches have proven that
children
who
watched
violent contents developed more violent disposition and personality than
children
who did not
watch
them.
Therefore
, caregiver’s supervision about what
children
watch
is
very
important
.

In conclusion
, I believe that what
children
view influences the
behavior
of
children
more than how long
children
watch
TV.
However
, the
time
spent on watching TV
also
has impact on their
behavior
so
both aspects needed to
be supervised
by their parents.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the amount of time watching TV affects children’s behavior the most while others say that what they watch matters more. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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