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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into University difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into University difficult. v. 4
It is often argued that students are finding difficult to get into universities, irrespective of their financial status. This essay disagrees with the suggestion because it ignores the background and upbringing situation of less affluent individuals. This essay will look into some of the factors that make it difficult for people with less means to into universities. Poor families do not have access to private education, as opposed to families with affluent background. Rich families can afford to send their children to private schools which have better resources to educate and train their pupil. Whereas families with limited resources usually settle on public schools where their children receive sub-par or inadequate education. For example, private schools would spend resources on physical and mental training of their pupil as well as their interpersonal skill, in contrast, public school, due to their limited resources, only focus on the academic training of their pupil. Students from affluent backgrounds also enjoy the leisure of exposure of their liking, whereas students from less fortunate families spend their free time either saving money by staying home or making money by working part-time. Students from affluent background have exposure to a lot of extracurricular activities which helps them discover their strengths and weaknesses early on in their lives, while individuals from poor families would spend their time working part-time jobs to save money for their education or supporting their families. For example, an individual from high net worth family would spend time exploring Europe or Africa to prepare for their lives ahead of time, an individual from a low net worth family would be working a minimum wage job in Mc-Donald’s to support their upcoming university expenditures. In conclusion people with lower levels of socioeconomic classes find it much more difficult to find their way into universities, even when they have the same academic aptitude just because the people with levels of society were able to afford better education and exposure towards life at the beginning.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that students are finding difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into universities, irrespective of their financial status. This essay disagrees with the suggestion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
and upbringing situation of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. This essay will look into
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun means is countable.
less
means to into universities.

Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
do not have access to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which have better resources to educate and train their pupil. Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with limited resources
usually
settle on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where their children receive sub-par or inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
resources on physical and mental training of their pupil
as well
as their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
in contrast
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, due to their limited resources,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on the academic training of their pupil.

Students from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
also
enjoy the leisure of exposure of their liking, whereas students from less fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
either saving money by staying home or making money by working part-time. Students from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
have exposure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
extracurricular activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them discover their strengths and weaknesses early on in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working part-time jobs to save money for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or supporting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
from high net worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
exploring Europe or Africa to prepare for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
ahead of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
from a low net worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would be working a minimum wage job in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc-Donald
’s to support their upcoming university expenditures.

In conclusion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with lower levels of socioeconomic classes find it much more difficult to find their way into universities, even when they have the same academic aptitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with levels of society were able to afford better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and exposure towards life at the beginning.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into University difficult. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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